Ode to My Favorite Relief Pitcher

by Thelma Parker

Tom Martin can really throw the ball,
And I think, but I’m not sure, that Tom is kind of tall.
If Tom Martin ever goes, I will cry.
That day will make me want to die,
I will not lie.

Tom Martin is like the sun
And I am the earth,
Revolving around him.

Tom Martin is the earth,
And I am the moon,
Mooning over him.

There is no pitcher ever as good as he.
He is in all of my fantasies.
I think that Tom should never get a day off,
It’s the only way the Rockies will ever make the playoffs.

Posted 7/31/07 

The 100-Year Dream (Cubs)

by Tim McClure

100 will soon be here,
‘08 to ‘08 we do fear,

A ‘45 goat or ‘69 cat,
Durham’s glove or a fan’s catch,

Bone the curse, don’t wait for next year!

Some say with a goat we were cursed,
Some say it’s an error at first,

Black cats with the Mets,
Or Bartman’s bad catch–

I fear the Cubs are the worst.

The series I wish they could win,
For naught now it seems like a sin,

They’ve tried for so long,
It’s the same old song,

Who’ll ever see it, my kin?

They’ve won! I can’t believe it!
In the ninth with a home run hit!

We’ve waited so long,
The field is a throng,

I just woke up… Oh S**t!

The Red Sox did it four years ago,
The White Sox were next in line to glow,

We thought we were next,
Our muscles were flexed,

But our Cubs missed their turn in the show.

There’s a dream that’s been dreamt for awhile,
That we’d smoke the Cardinals with style.

We’d tromp ’em real good,
Like we know we should.

This Cub’s dream isn’t wicked nor vile.

There was an old team called the Cubs,
Who for years have looked just like subs.

They’ve tried to get better,
But have seemed in fetters,

‘Cause the curse has left all those flubs.

Posted 7/30/07

The Dreaded Eighth

by Caleb Wiley

The time is here that we’ve all come to dread,
The worst possible inning if you root for the Red.
It makes leads disappear, because no lead is safe
When our bullpen appears in the inning called eighth.

No lead is safe, no lead is secure
When our bulls begin spreading their style of manure,
So when you’re done stretching from inning number seven,
Never forget that they’re not sent from heaven.

When the seventh is over you may start to think,
“What now shall we do? Let’s just start to drink.”
BOHICA, my friends, will be with us soon,
And God help us all if we have a full moon.

So when that time is nigh and we have much to fear,
Pray very hard, then reach for more beer.
Please don’t do something to make us spew hate
When the Reds take the field in the Dreaded Eighth.

Posted 7/27/07

Today, Tomorrow, Next Year!

by Nate

There once was a team from Kansas City
That other fans always seemed to pity.

“They show up some nights.”
And mostly they’re right.

About Sluggerr they think, “Just a kitty.”

But MY Royals and theirs aren’t the same.
I live and die with every game.

My boys always fight,
And light up the night.

Of my Royals I am not ashamed.

Things will be different next year.
A winning season is oh so near.

To crops, they’re the cream.
And it won’t be a dream

To toast a championship with a beer!

Posted 7/26/07

Two from Millie Bovich

 Statistics required perusal
And then came a full-fledged accusal.

Some numbers do lie
Take a look at the guy,

They’ve proven a B. Bonds bamboozle!

Barry Bonds! He’s the muscle-bound Giant
With the rules, he is just non-compliant.

He comes extra large size
Check his biceps and thighs,

And his manner is somewhat defiant!

Posted 7/30/07Â