By Stuart Shea
ATLANTA
Clean Living,
A Fast Outfield,
And a Chipper Jones.
(With apologies to Vernon “Lefty” Gomez)
ARIZONA
Upton can play,
And he’ll need to, no doubt,
If Eric Byrnes out.
CHICAGO
Sweet Lou wants it understood,
That the newbies—Pie, Soto, and Fukudome—will be good
(Knock on Wood).
CINCINNATI
Votto, Bruce, and Bailey make the Redlegs’ future bright.
But with Dusty in the drivers’ seat,
The Kids Aren’t Alright.
COLORADO
While the defending champs get little respect
And their city’s baseball pedigree is suspect
The Rockies are deep—and better than you’d expect.
FLORIDA
A rotation thinner than loose-leaf paper
And one, maybe two, good hitters to savor?
This could get Uggly.
HOUSTON
They need a Pitching ComeBacke.
A NewBourn Attack…
And Hot Towles!
LOS ANGELES
Many pitchers with questions,
Position player congestion–
By now, one hopes Joe Torre has a remedy for indigestion.
MILWAUKEE
Hardy-Harted Men,
Princes with Braun and wise Counsell,
Just need clean Sheets.
NEW YORK
Health to go with wealth.
Johan and Pedro (not Feliciano)
And, apparently, an Angel in the outfield.
PHILADELPHIA
Rollins, Howard, Utley, Burrell, and Feliz
Will give the Phillies plenty of pow.
But can they hit more homers than their pitchers allow?
PITTSBURGH
Steve will Pearce the outfield soon,
With Nady gone by June,
And Jason up on eBay.
ST. LOUIS
Such teams with little hope need luck,
Albert,
And divine intervention.
SAN DIEGO
An outfield and infield of maybes
Could make Padres’ pitchers sick,
But Buddy Black don’t give a Fick.
SAN FRANCISCO
So the post-Bonds era begins,
And no one expects many wins.
Thank God for the Garlic Fries.
A WASHINGTON HAIKU
Two fat first basemen
Could sink their park into the
Anacostia.
Posted 4/2/08
Published in Arizona Diamondbacks, NL West, Pure doggerel, St. Louis Cardinals, Colorado Rockies, Los Angeles Dodgers, Pittsburgh Pirates, Stu Shea, San Francisco Giants, San Diego Padres, Milwaukee Brewers, Houston Astros, Philadelphia Phillies, New York Mets, Florida Marlins, Atlanta Braves, Washington Nationals, Players, Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Cubs, NL Central, Management, NL East | Link to this poem |
