Archive for September, 2008
New York Bailout
By Stuart Shea
No Yankees! No Mets!
Send the networks your regrets!
There’ll be no ratings spike this time
From East Coast fans who fuss and whine.
Well, other teams play baseball, too.
The Angels, Dodgers, Cubs, and Crew.
The Phils and Red Sox made the dance
And Tampa’s got their first big chance.
Despite their highly-sal’ried men,
The Mets and Yankees choked again.
Now New York screams and moans and wails,
“Come fix us! We’re too big to fail!”
We’re waiting for some congressman
To moot a bill for Apple fans,
New fed’ral funds will soon begin
To cinch that New York always wins.
Posted 9/30/08.
Wilson Betemit, Never Ever Get a Hit
by Hart Seely
First base Wilson Betemit
Never ever-ever gonna get a hit.
Pitcher never even have to sweat a bit.
Not with Wilson Betemit.
Second base Wilson Betemit.
Squats like old man take a shit.
Swings like girl with a fake-a-tit.
No good Wilson Betemit.
Shortstop Wilson Betemit.
Called strike three he throw a fit.
On the bench he should-a-sit.
Be gone Wilson Betemit.
Third base Wilson Betemit.
Plays like do not give a whit.
Someday soon he ought-a-quit.
Sick of Wilson Betemit.
Hart Seely is the author of the hilarious Mother Goose Goes to Washington, as well as Oh Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto, newly released in a 15th-anniversary edition. He often hangs around the Yankee website, It is High, It is Far, It is….caught, offering tasteful and constructive comments to management and players alike.
Posted 9/29/08
Land of 10,000 Chokes
by James Finn Garner
Defeating the Twins isn’t easy
In that convention hall they call a dome,
But who could foresee the series would be
Like the Vandals’ destruction of Rome?
The White Sox wasted the season.
The grinders’ swings turned to hacks.
So thoroughly owned were the Sox, they’re showin’
Herm Schneider rug burns on their backs.
Now the players can mutter and grumble
While the Cubbies are showered with cheers.
A Subway Series? Not this time, dearies.
Check back in another 100 years.
Posted 9/26/08
