Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
RAYS
Last year’s fish is cooked.
Singing songs of spring, the team
Trawls for the title.
RED SOX
Dust is in the air.
Dustin is in the infield.
Just get me a cloth.
YANKEES
$300 trillion
And they say they can’t afford
A spare infielder?
BLUE JAYS
Rock and hard place—both
Tough to climb when you work with
Canada dollars.
ORIOLES
When does that new show,
“Waiting for Weiters” come on?
Not quickly enough.
Posted 3/30/09.
By Stuart Shea
DODGERS
What causes shadows
Gath’ring over Dodgertown?
Oh. It’s Manny’s hair.
DIAMONDBACKS
Risky tightrope walk—
Using Felipe Lopez
As a regular.
GIANTS
If it rained all year
S.F. would avoid losing
100 ballgames.
PADRES
No big stars, no hope
Dark days ahead for the fans
Despite bright Cali skies.
ROCKIES
Jeff Francis’ arm
Wilted like Boston lettuce
Left out far too long.
Posted 3/25/09
by Stuart Shea
CUBS
Spring wish, autumn dreams
Green of youth and rust of age
Hope is…Kevin Gregg?
BREWERS
Prince Fielder’s a veg.
The racing sausages can
Rest easy all summer.
ASTROS
Bummer! Bits of sun
Are all that Minute Maid Park
Will see this season.
CARDINALS
Converted Skippy
Will be a sitting pigeon
For one hard slide.
REDS
Screw Dusty Baker!
The Reds have enough talent
To win despite him.
PITTSBURGH
Winter’s not the time
To start rebuilding a house
With no foundation.
Posted 3/23/09
by Stuart Shea
PHILLIES
Some defending champs
Next spring find their magic dust
Doesn’t work so well.
METS
Many suns have set
Since Pedro Martinez could
Throw over 90.
MARLINS
Buy season tickets!
We’ll throw in a free car wash
By Marlins players.
BRAVES
No Smoltz, No Maddux
Only Glavine left to fly
Their once-proud banner.
NATIONALS
Jim Bowden’s mission:
To leave behind a steaming pile
On Anacostia’s banks.
Posted 3/18/09
By Todd Herges
With apologies to Dizzy Dean.
Spring Break is time for training to play ball
For players and a college couple, too.
But not on sun-drenched South Padre Isle,
And not in Havasu or cheap Cancun:
This boy and girl chose Cactus League for fun.
It could’ve been Vallarta for few pesos.
Instead, like pitcher’s wife and baby son,
They sit on metal bleachers swapping besos.
The sun shines down, the pitchers look for signs.
The umps yell “Foul!” when balls cross outside lines.
The batboys all learn what there is to know.
The shortstops practice how to cut a throw.
While players wait for cut lists, pace the halls,
One schoolboy hopes she’ll kiss HIM.
Posted 3/9/09.