Brewer Haiku for April

by Doug Fahrendorff

Escobar at short
It’s tough replacing Hardy
In fans’ affections

Narveson should start
How much better can he do?
No runs given up

Pundits deriding
The Brewers’ pennant chances
Fans expect success

Corey Hart in right
Arbitration winner
Production lacking

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Posted 4/30/2010

Pork Haiku #1

By Gary Gillette

In honor of broadcaster Mario Impemba who, during the April 12 Tigers broadcast, talked about how Royals skipper Trey Hillman had managed the “Ham Fighters”…

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Nippon Ham Fighters!
WTF? Americans
Fear Pugnacious Pork.

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Posted 4/29/10

Get Me to Citifield on Time!

by David Bellel

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A salute to Ike Davis, one of the ball-playing members of the tribe.

I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong!  The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Pull out the stopper!
Let’s have a (kosher) whopper!
But get me to Citifield on time!

I gotta be there in the mornin’
Spruced up with my cup aligned
Yids, come and bless me;
Bring choice salamis
But get me to Citifield on time!

If I want to hora,  roll up the floor.
If I am dovening,  close down my torah!

For I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong!  The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Wrap up my blintzes.
But don’t lose the Tzimmes
But get me to Citifield,

Get me to Citifield,

For Moses’ sake, get me to Citifield on time!

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You can follow David on his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.

Posted 4/28/2010

South Side Fireworks, Inside

by James Finn Garner

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On Opening Day at the Cell,
Amidst the ravening horde,
The men’s room witnessed a tryst ‘twixt
A South Side lady and lord.

All the prudes and official blue-noses
Who by this action were floored
Should think of the White Sox’s condition
And be grateful that somebody scored.

Posted 4/26/10

The Crucifixion of Alfonso Soriano

By Stuart Shea

A-bopping and a-hopping in the outfield,
Stopping if a ball clanks off his glove,
Soriano just wants to play baseball,
Do his best with energy and love.

A-snorting and a-courting fan dissension,
Writers like to use their words like knives.
Every player’s error becomes legion.
Can’t sportswriters get some f*$(@* lives?

posted 4/25/10