October 2010 – Bardball

October 29, 2010

The Rally Thong Song

by James Finn Garner

Everybody sing a song
to celebrate the rally thong!

From Castro to the Tenderloin
A winning feeling in the groin!

Spangly rhinestones front and rear
Cup everything Gints fans hold dear.

Red silk fabric will raise no rash
When legging out an outfield smash

And blocks out the winter chill
In the field and on the hill.

From style maven Aubrey Huff
It’s better than going in the buff.

To get em stoked, no better way
In lovely “Babylon by the Bay.”

But in Dallas, brother, have a care.
Only strippers wear ’em there.

They’ll jail your ass, without quarrel,
for corrupting public morals.

Play it safe, don’t be too hasty,
Better pack your rally pasties.

October 28, 2010

An Otis Redding Sighting at AT&T Park

by Todd Herges

Sitting in the afternoon sun
He’ll be sitting when the 9th inning come
Watching the runs come in
And then he’ll watch Uribe run ’round again, yeah

Freddy’s sittin’ on a fastball from Lee
Watch the ball fly over first toward Vlady
Ooh, Huff’s just sittin’ on a fastball from Lee
Wastin’ time

Buster left his home in Georgia
Headed for the ‘Frisco bay
‘Cause he has a lot to live for
And looks like nothing’s gonna get in his way

So he’s also sittin’ on a fastball from Lee
Watching the ball fly to the power alley
Ooh, Burrell’s standing on deck in AT&T
Not wastin’ time

Looks like something’s gonna change
Not everything remains the same
Fans can cheer what nine players plus Brian do
So I guess they’ll keep up the cheering, yes.

Sittin’ there resting their bones
But with all those friends nobody’s alone
Forty thousand fans are honed
and will make this Park their home.

Now they’re all sitting by the dock of the bay
watching the season roll away
Ooh, with Otis sitting on the dock of the bay
Not wastin’ time.

October 27, 2010

In the euphoria of the NLCS, this Phillies fan contemplated a pitching duel for the ages and channeled the spirit of Edgar Allan Poe for this poem. Alas, the matchup wasn’t meant to be, which adds the appropriate amount of heartbreak to this homage to Poe.

It was many and many a month ago
. In a ballpark in NYC
That an Ace there pitched so nonchalant
. That caught pop-ups non-chalantly

He was an ace and Doc was an Ace
. at this ballpark in South Philly
Dare we dream of a game that is more than a game
. One with Halladay – Lee
With an arm that the horned demons in Bronx
. Coveted Clifton P. Lee

And this was the reason that, months ago
. In this ballpark in South Philly
A smug came out, refurbished the farm
. by trading our Clifton P. Lee
So that our deep pocket neighbors can
. can sign him from SEA
To set him up with Sabbathia
. In their kingdom in NYC

The Rangers, not half as blessed with pitching
. Went trading with SEA for Lee
Yes, this was the season (as old men know,
. for the team that was once from DC)
That the Doc came out of a cold north town
. Starting and stopping their Clifton P. Lee

But their team it was far stronger than the teams
. Of those with Chocolate Chili
. Of those with Jerry Garci…
And neither the Angels in Los Angeles/Anaheim
. Or the demons in Bronx, NYC
Can ever dissever Game one from Game one
. ‘gainst Rangers,’gainst Yankees

For when a game starts, the players start winning my heart
. Especially Halladay – Lee
Other stars will rise, but none, in my eyes
. match the aces that this night I see
And so as the sun died, I sat down on my hide
With my Yuengling – my Riesling – my team and my bride
. See the stadium in South Philly
. In the glory of Halladay – Lee.

Found on the Phillies blog, The Good Phight.

October 26, 2010