By Dan Bern
What Vet Should I Get?
by Hart Seely
What vet should I get?
Who doesn’t put me into debt.
A pitcher like A.J. Burnett…
What vet should I get?
A Price would be nice!
I wouldn’t think twice!
I’d certainly bite
If the Price is right.
I could get a Cole Hamels,
For my best Scranton mammals,
Who might be Allan Trammels!
(Plus a carton of Camels.)
I could get a Martin Prado,
For a year’s supply of Play-Doh.
If I got a new Craig Kimbrel,
My bullpen would be downright crim’nal!
I could get Aroldis Chapman,
What would Boston think of THAT, man?
Or I’d settle for Mike Leake,
Though that name has me feeling bleak.
What vet should I get?
And trade a guy we’ll soon forget.
Who won’t become the next George Brett.
What vet should I get?
 Hart Seely is head honcho of the indispensable Yankee blog, It Is High, It Is Far, It Is . . . caught. He does not ghostwrite for the estate of Dr. Seuss.
Last Streakers
by the Village Elliott
S.F. Giants are streaky this year;
Spans where fans find little to cheer,
Then team’s offense revamps
And they look like World Champs.
Never know where next streak heads from here.
On Jints’ last road trips offense was hot,
But at home lately, offense is not.
With ninth loss in a row,
Tied schneid set long ago
In New York, with Manager Mel Ott.
“Master Melvin” team’s star recent past,
But as manager, Ott was miscast.
Said Bums’ skipper Leo,
“Mel’s nicest amigo,
But, you know that nice guys finish last.”
Baseball’s Annual Sellout
by Stephen Jones
Some teams are needy;
Others are bailing out.
It’ll be a feeding frenzy, and
Some team may get a tout.
For those teams who are booming
The trade deadline is looming.
A Challenge for Poets
by Stuart Shea
What the heck rhymes with Kyle Schwarber?
Well, ’60s jazzer Alan Lorber,
And that dancing Greek named Zorber,
And folk singer Steve Forber(t),
And . . .
And . . .
I’m at the bottom of the pail,
And I don’t want him to fail . . .
But his name is odd, I fear,
So he may not have many poems here.