Happy 67th birthday, Mr. Blue!
Yankee Fan Rationale
by Stephen Jones
Hey, Aroldis Chapman —
What gives?
You’re a Pinstriper one day,
And a Cub the next?
(A pause. Then a sigh.)
Too bad. Nice arm.
We hardly knew ya . . .
But whadda ya gonna do?
It’s a relievers’ market.
“No!”: Sale
by the Village Elliott
Chris said to the Sox, “Not for Sale!
Throwback unis’ pale hose much too pale!”
Tore them all into shreds.
Did Chris “sail off his meds”
Or contrive to get forwarded mail?
The Ballad of Chris Sale
by James Finn Garner
Attend the White Sox uniform
It doesn’t breathe when the weather’s warm
A laughing stock since the day it premiered
Of all throwbacks, by far the most weird . . .
Enter Sale
Yes, Chris Sale
The demon tailor of 35th Street.
The collar’s large and the tail’s untucked
Like back in the day when disco sucked
Terrible PJs that no fan should watch
And by the fifth inning it rides up the crotch . . .
Beware Sale
That Chris Sale
The demon tailor of 35th Street
Raise your scissors high, Saley!
Don’t stop your tirade!
While you are at it, you can scuttle a trade!
A leader of men with no visible fuse
An atomic bomb whene’er he choose
Keep up your guard, ye White Sox brass
If you turn your back, you’ll get stabbed in the ass . . .
By Saley
By Chris Sale
The demon tailor of 35th Street!
Crunch Time
by Hilary Barta
When cramping and losing your grip,
Don’t panic! Get fluids and sip
And so systems won’t flood,
Enlist the old spud,
That champ of snack foodstuffs, the chip.
Dealing with cramping in his right hand, Cubs pitcher Jason Hammel was told by his doctor to eat more potato chips for their potassium.