A Open Letter to Faux Cub Fans

by Becky Binks and Cary Donham

Rule #1
Back before Harry Caray, Santo, and Hughes
The bleachers held young actors paying their dues.
But Belushi and Murray knew Rule Number 1:
Remember, always, there’s a game going on.

Rule #2
Buy a scorecard, keep score, and follow along.
If you don’t know how, there’s an app on your phone.
Sit your butt down when you hear, “Down in front!”
Remember Rule Number 1: there’s a game going on.

Rule #3
Don’t go to get nachos when a runner’s on base.
Ignore your full bladder, that babe you might chase.
Just get up between innings or when a pitcher is gone.
Remember Rule Number 1: there’s a game going on.

Rule #4
Don’t sit back of home plate and gab on your phone.
When you show up on TV, you’ll look like a clown.
Get back to your scorecard; you might miss a home run.
Remember Rule Number 1: there’s a game going on.

Rule #5
The game lasts nine innings, don’t have any doubt.
Don’t stand for the pitcher until the last out.
Standing adds drama that doesn’t belong,
Remember Rule Number 1: there’s a game going on.

Rule #6
Remember that baseball’s the reason you came,
There’re plenty of sports bars for after the game.
No one cares how much cash you paid your salon,
Remember Rule Number 1: there’s a game going on.

The wife-and-husband team of Becky Binks and Cary Donham intrepidly support the Cubs from the far South Side enclave of Beverly.


Published in Ballparks, Chicago Cubs, Fans, Food, Pure doggerel, The Game Itself | Link to this poem | 2 Comments

A Open Letter to Faux Cub Fans: 2 Comments

  1. Hilary Barta wrote,

    All those pricks on their cans in Cubs boxes
    On their sick big McMansions the poxes!
    Though I know it’s not noble,
    I could blow like Chernobyl…
    Oh, to kick those rich fans in the coccyx!

  2. John W. Arden wrote,

    Rule #7

    Become a Sox fan.

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