by Hugh Manatee
Zach Greinke
Is feeling hinky
And regrets his wish
For bottomless Minnesota hot dish.
Hunter Pence
Ended the suspense:
He scares both adults and kids
Cuz he was tragically born without eyelids.
Dellin Betances
Will take his chances,
Gird up his junk-a
And take a dive into Lake Minnetonka.
Derek Jeter
Is a 14-time All-Star repeater
And, if we trust the announcers,
Also invented sliced bread, the Internet and trousers.
Nelson Cruz
Has got nothing to lose.
Though Selig may wince,
He’s gonna show up at the game dressed as Prince