Anthropomorphic

by Ember Nickel

The Giants climb down swiftly from the Rockies’ dizzy heights;
The Dodgers always flinch, still without trolleys in their sights.
The Mariners seek Marlins, but must fight Pirates instead.
The Diamondbacks rove underfoot; so do Sox White and Red.
Since the Royals give them power to preserve the public peace,
The Rangers delegate it, calling the PC police
Who, once alerted, start tracking down the Indians and Braves.
As the Angels sing their harmonies about power that saves,
The Padres cast out Devils from the now-more-blessed Rays
(The Cardinals don’t help, but fly with Orioles and Blue Jays.)
Both Twins make twice the trouble for the Brewers at their bars,
The Astros seem to seek a noun, but gaze up at the stars.
The Phillies, likewise adjectival, might just run like horses;
Though Cubs are hibernating, Tigers might gnaw them for courses.
The Reds in turn just burn with pride, unless they’re commie spies,
In which case the Yankees will deal with them, which could prove unwise.
The Nationals would help out, but they’re missing Montreal.
The Met(ropolitans) have found a city to play ball;
But only the Athletics look in shape to play some games.
Which is why it’s just as well that they’re just mascots, not real names.


Published in Former Teams, Pure doggerel, The Game Itself | Link to this poem | No Comments

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