Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Now we’ve missed our chance to know
Of Tucupita Marcano
He wasn’t the next DiMaggio
But not everyone can be a hero
MLB said he’s got to go
For treating his phone like a casino
The bets he made — 400 or so —
Made his sportsbook dime him, bro!
Betting is here to stay, so
Get used to stories like Marcano’s
Owners love nothing but centavos
Ruined lives are the quid pro quo
In a ring of northern suburbs, a lead
is maintained well into the bottom of the
ninth. You and that horse
you rode in on share the same sad
face, both half-hearted and feasting
on outfield grass. In every ballpark
across the continental States, a looping
ball finds cushion in the field
below a quintessentially gibbous moon
and a night expanding ceaselessly.
Sebastian Hunter is a writer, musician, and perennially disappointed Mariners fan from Seattle. He is previously unpublished.
Rhys Hoskins’ first game back in Philly
was a definite “all-the-feel”-er.
Tears in the dugout, hugs with Harper,
and he hammered like Hank off Wheeler.
Chuckles and winks when he swiped second,
to the shock of JT Realmuto.
But an unwelcome visitor back at home–
laid low by a sweet Rojas throw.
He played in just 69 games,
Of obscurity he was a paragon
But he had one of my favorite names:
Rest in peace, Cuno Barragan.
June 20, 1932 — May 12, 2024
(He DID hit a home run in his first major league at-bat.)
Shohei steals a base
his hundredth in MLB
trumps all other news
