I am the Very Model of a Modern Clubhouse Veteran
by Susan Petrone
I am the very model of a Modern Clubhouse Veteran,
I share my knowledge with the rookies and my baseball bretheren
I’ve been a pro for many years and quote the games historical,
My post-season experience is more than just rhetorical;
In the field, I’m average, it matters not a whit to me
I’m here to hit and demonstrate my offensive consistency
They call me cheerful and upbeat, I guess I’m really not sedate
But I can teach the younger guys on showing patience at the plate.
I’ll make the clubhouse warm and fuzzy so the team can rock the Jake
That’s why I had them dress like fools and made them do the “Harlem Shake”
In short so Tito doesn’t have to take so much Excederin
I am the very model of a Modern Clubhouse Veteran.
Susan Petrone blogs regularly on the Cleveland Indians at It’s Pronounced Lajaway.
2013 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO
No Sale, no pennant?
Can Beckham bend it foreward?
Is Konerko Dunn?
CLEVELAND
Re-seeding is hard.
Big contracts are easier.
80-82.
DETROIT
No closer, no stress?
Just win every game by five!
(Time for a Zantac.)
KANSAS CITY
The Wil to win “soon”
Has been supplanted by the
Will to win today.
MINNESOTA
Ten thousand lakes teem
With tears from ticket-holding
Twin fan Targetees.
Team Dog
By Barbara Gregorich
Jack and Larry leave Canada
for Cleveland, where Larry inhales
the scent of every player,
. twitching his tail and planting
. his paws on each
. of them.
Jack shows his teammates
each new trick Larry
. has learned –
. jumping as high as Jack’s shoulder,
. sitting on Jack’s shoulders,
. balancing on Jack’s head.
On the wooden platform,
waiting for the southbound train,
. the Naps take turns
. playing with Larry.
Jack makes sure
each player knows that Larry
. is not just Jack’s dog,
. he is the team’s dog, too –
. the official mascot
. of the Cleveland Naps.
Jack reminds them that they
are all proud of Larry and of
. themselves, and he hints
. that maybe they should study
. how Larry behaves.
Boarding the train,
Jack flexes his arm
. and stretches his shoulder,
. heading for the aches
. of spring training
. and the hope
. that his arm has healed.
Taken from Barbara’s new book, Jack and Larry: Jack Graney and Larry, the Cleveland Baseball Dog. You can get a copy of this story of the only live mascot ever held by a major league team by visiting Barbara’s website or watching for her at this week’s SABR convention in Minneapolis.
“Fear Strikes Out” Strikes Out
by Hilary Barta
To the wall, back he goes, with a twirl
Grabs the ball, strikes a pose, then the hurl
. Though the term’s not “correct”
. I’ll be firm and direct:
I’m appalled Perkins “throws like a girl”
Hilary Barta shares his obsessions of old movies and comics at his daily limerick site, LimerWrecks.
2012 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.
DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.
MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.
