Ten Little Indians (And Counting)
by James Finn Garner
Ten little Indians–
Contenders every time!
One gets dealt for spending cash,
Now there’s only nine.
Nine little Indians
Playing by the lake.
One’s worth five Dominican catchers.
Now there’s only eight.
Eight little Indians
Hoping they can score.
Half are waived without a claim.
Now there’s only four.
Four little Indians.
At least they have Cliff Lee.
Ooops! Lee’s been swapped to Philly.
Now there’s only three.
Three little Indians
(Not counting Chief Wahoo).
“This is a rebuilding year.”
Now there’s only two.
Two little Indians.
How can they score a run?
One quits to become a fully trained self-employed professional health care technician.
Now there’s only one.
One little Indian.
What an awful pity
If he had to pack his bags
For Oklahoma City.
Published 8/13/09
Manny Ramirez: When News Isn’t News
by James Finn Garner
.
Erstwhile Dodger savior Manny:
Did we doubt it’d come out like this?
If a story leaked you were a tranny,
The world would maybe feel amiss.
Our revulsion might yet arise
If cameras caught you fondling grannies,
But frankly it’s no big surprise
That juicing’s Manny being Manny.
.
Posted 5/11/09
AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL 2009 HAIKU FORECASTS
By Stuart Shea
WHITE SOX
From dawn to midnight
Glistening sweat beads cover
Guillen’s press spokesmen.
TWINS
Sweet April moonlight
Means “farewell” if the Twins are
Without Joe Mauer.
INDIANS
Each cool autumn
Indians fans get just the
Thin end of the Wedge.
ROYALS
Gold Kansas wheatfields
Yield more each season than
Green fields at Kauffmann.
TIGERS
A solar eclipse
Can’t match the disappearance
Of Dontrelle’s control.
Posted 4/1/09
