On Dontrelle Willis’ Contract
by James Finn Garner
Let’s hope the Tigers didn’t
Shell out big ducats.
They’ll need money to equip
Their catchers with buckets.
Posted 7/7/08
The Tygers
By James Finn Garner
(With abject apologies to William Blake)
Tygers, Tygers, choking bad,
When champeens we thought we had.
What possessed the baseball scribes
To pick you o’er Sox and Tribe?
In Florida, Dombrowski–
Did he smile his work to see?
Aging bats and unproved arms,
With slim pickin’s on the farm.
Why’s Dontrelle in Single A?
Why does Clevlen get to play?
What turned Edgar Renteria
A defense gaffe-eteria?
Who knew, alone, Cabrera
Would revive th’ Dead Ball Era?
Will you become a stalker
If Sheffield gets a walker?
Tygers, Tygers, sucking wind,
We know fate has not been kind.
With Rodney and Zoom-Zoom back–
Watch out! Middle of the pack!
Posted 6/12/08
You Never Forget Your First Pitch
by James Finn Garner
Tiger cub Freddy Dolsi’s
First major-league pitch
Was to Manny Ramirez.
(Now, ain’t that a bitch?)
Freddy went down the middle
To show off his heat.
Manny clobbered that apple
Five hundred feet.
The much-touted Tigers
Can’t seem to catch flame
With their pitchers untested,
Senescent or lame.
To young Freddy we wish an
Improved rookie year.
Every guy’s not Ramirez,
But it’s uphill from here.
Posted 5/20/08
