2008 AMERICAN LEAGUE THREE-LINE TEAM PREVIEWS
BALTIMORE
Is it too late to call Cal?
Or even Bob Bonner?
With Hernandez or Fahey, the season’s a goner.
BOSTON
The pitching staff is shot to hell.
With Schilling, Beckett, and Colon unwell,
They’re Dice-rolling at the opening bell.
CHICAGO
Will the Sox get greedy
With Crede?
Watch your back, Ozzie—or, rather, watch Joe’s.
CLEVELAND
It’s time for the talent to show.
And with any luck (please, God)…
Maybe a new logo?
DETROIT
No injury worries—not even a tinge!
When any Tiger feels a twinge,
They’ll call on Brandon Inge.
KANSAS CITY
Tote that Bale, lift that Gload,
Another long year in KC?
Or a renaissance? These kids are beginning to be.
LOS ANGELES
K-Rod,
And Vlad the Impaler,
And a bunch of young pitchers hopping out of a trailer.
MINNESOTA
No cash for Johan or Torii,
But there’s money for Nathan—within reason—
Though he pitches just 70 innings a season.
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND
The Yankees won’t listen to reason!!
They’ll pull out their Wang
To open the season!!
OAKLAND
What’s that sound from the Street?
Is it Foulke music so sweet?
Oh, it’s Rich Harden’s shoulder, grinding like meat.
SEATTLE
Half the team has reached the big three-oh,
And aside from Ichiro,
There’s a lot of “don’t know.”
TAMPA BAY
They sent Longoria to Triple-A
To reduce his service time? Feh!
This franchise is still the pride of Mephistofele.
TEXAS
Trouble children, like Bradley and Hamilton,
And a pitching staff
Of no wheat and all chaff.
TORONTO
Toronto has Coats.
Maybe they’ll avoid
A cold April.
Posted 3/31/08
These are a Few of My Favorite Things
by Sandy Marshall
What’s your favorite food?
What’s your favorite color?
Who’s your favorite player?
Mine’s Tommy Herr.
Who’s from Pennsylvania?
Who likes to play Second?
Who’s an All Star?
I bet it’s Tom Herr.
Who passed the torch?
The pro baseball torch?
Following footsteps…
His Dad is Tom Herr.
Who’s a Cardinal, Met, Twin,
And a Philly for sure?
Who’s the Giant of All?
You know it’s Tom Herr!
Posted 9/21/07
1983 Minnesota Twins Poem
by Justin Kaufmann
(clearing throat) Hello. I would like to read a poem entitled “Today, your 1983 Minnesota Twins starting line-up is….”
(adjusting mic, deep breath)
“Ron Washington
Tim Teufel
Gary Gaetti
Kent Hrbek
Rusty Kuntz
Jim Eisenreich
Mickey Hatcher
Tom Brunansky
Tim Laudner
and Brad Havens.”
Thank you. (huge applause, no snapping)
(Justin’s site, with his comedy teammates: Schadenfreude.net)
Posted 9/4/2007
