Permissible or not
There seems to be a drought
Of honesty afoot

Pitching maybe-perjury
Clemens seems for once
To be outta his league

His domineering stance
On the mound not found
Now drugs/performance

An arguance
More finger pointing it seems
As ugly truths are exhumed

Whiffed Piazza, Harold Baines,
Eric Davis, Hardrock Raines.
Batters swung and bade goodbye,
Carlos Beltran, Russell Dye.
BJ Surhoff, Albert Belle,
Junior Griffey, Pat Burrell.
None of them could solve his tricks.
Then the gods sent Jayson Nix.

Struck out Nomar, Randy Wynn,
Tori Hunter, Tony Gwynn.
Mighty bats would disappear,
Juan Gonzalez, Rusty Greer,
Jeffrey Hammond, Jim Thome,
Julio Franco, Jason Bay.
Silent went their famous sticks.
Then the gods sent Jayson Nix.

At 41, not nearly through,
ERA still under two.
Twelve times in the All-Star game,
Sure bet for the Hall of Fame.
Greatest pitcher still alive,
Could have gone ’till 45.
Who among us saw the fix
When the gods sent Jayson Nix?

Hart Seely’s dangerous book, The Juju Rules, is available now in bookstores and at Amazon.

President Lincoln, skip that show!
Amelia Earhart, please don’t go!
Dillinger, don’t trust that vamp!
Joba, please . . . avoid that tramp.

JFK, don’t take that ride!
Dr. King, sir, stay inside!
Julius Caesar, ditch that crown!
Joba, jump . . . just don’t come down.

Gorbachev, tear down this wall!
America, free beer for all!
Mariano, please don’t go!
Joba . . . say it isn’t so.

Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames from Your Couch, is now in bookstores.  He also runs the essential Yankee blog, It Is High, It Is Far, It Is . . . caught.

Hughes, what happened to the dream?
You were once wonderful
The future ace of the team

What happened to the fastball of yours?
Now just a bp, gopher ball of yours
Batters granted big smiles from yours,
Sadly and truly.

Hughes, a juicer under a cloud?
We should have traded you away
But the gashman didn’t allow
We’d have IPK to ourselves
Alone and apart.
Not on a Padre team
But safe into our hearts.

How quickly one forgets
last year’s Red Sox implosion
or the Yankees playoff exit

when even now – it’s only
preseason – the two meet
again like history-magnets
and this year’s promise

of rivalry running deep deeper
than any pundit prediction
or Las Vegas line

BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Each summer’s the same—
Young hopefuls and old hopeless
Trapped in the basement.

BOSTON RED SOX
The Hub returns to
Valentine’s Day, which we thought
Was ten years ago.

NEW YORK YANKEES
It seems so pettitte—
That the biggest worry is
Who’ll be fifth starter.

TAMPA BAY RAYS
Quality starters,
Like oranges, can be grown
By best and brightest.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS
O young club of hope,
Answer me this one question:
Have you any chance?

Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?

Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?

Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ‘em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.

Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012.  You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.

There once was a Prince from Milwankee
Whose wife gave him no hanky panky
.     I’ll be ready, she said,
.     To take you to bed
When you swing your big bat as a Yankee

Jonathan Eig is the author of Luckiest Man: The Life and Death of Lou Gehrig, Opening Day: The Story of Jackie Robinson’s First Season,  and Get Capone, all now out in paperback.

Was it the last dance?
The last dance for John and Suzy’s broadcast love
No, no, their last chance?
To get us to a big dance Thurs night
We need them beside us
Beside us, to guide us
Their boldness, that unfolds us
‘Cause when they’re sad
We’re so, so sad

So let’s not dance the last dance
No, no last dance
No, no last dance Thurs night

Was it the last dance?
The last dance for John and Suzy’s broadcast love
No, no their last chance?
To get us to the big dance Thurs night
We need them beside us
Beside us, to guide us
Their boldness, that unfolds us
‘Cause when they’re glad
We’re so, so glad

So let’s not dance the last dance
No, no last dance
No, no last dance thurs night

You can find more of David’s work throughout the Yankee blog, It Is High, It Is Far, It Is…..caught.

The Tigers broke out of the zoo
And pummeled the team “You know who”
.    With our hitters on tap
.    And our pitchers with zap
They out-Yankee-ed the Yankees, Yahoo!

A contributor from Bardball’s rookie year, Millie Bovich has been a devoted fan of the Detroit Tigers for  eight decades.