Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Hughes, what happened to the dream?
You were once wonderful
The future ace of the team
What happened to the fastball of yours?
Now just a bp, gopher ball of yours
Batters granted big smiles from yours,
Sadly and truly.
Hughes, a juicer under a cloud?
We should have traded you away
But the gashman didn’t allow
We’d have IPK to ourselves
Alone and apart.
Not on a Padre team
But safe into our hearts.
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
“They might break even
if the young pitching improves.”
We’ve heard this before.
BOSTON RED SOX
After a tough loss
the new manager searches
for false-nose glasses
SEATTLE MARINERS
Jesus can create
a feast from loaves and fishes,
but Jesus can’t catch.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
With steroids now banned
normal aging will resume.
The cliff draws near.
DETROIT TIGERS
Trying to play third
when first base is a stretch could
drive a man to drink.
Connor and Josh performing their poem “Baseball” at The Cantab Lounge in Boston, Mass., at The National Poetry Slam in 2011. They were representing The Loser Slam venue from New Jersey.
How quickly one forgets
last year’s Red Sox implosion
or the Yankees playoff exit
when even now – it’s only
preseason – the two meet
again like history-magnets
and this year’s promise
of rivalry running deep deeper
than any pundit prediction
or Las Vegas line
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Each summer’s the same—
Young hopefuls and old hopeless
Trapped in the basement.
BOSTON RED SOX
The Hub returns to
Valentine’s Day, which we thought
Was ten years ago.
NEW YORK YANKEES
It seems so pettitte—
That the biggest worry is
Who’ll be fifth starter.
TAMPA BAY RAYS
Quality starters,
Like oranges, can be grown
By best and brightest.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS
O young club of hope,
Answer me this one question:
Have you any chance?