Boston/New York Preseason Game, March 22nd
by Stephen Jones
How quickly one forgets
last year’s Red Sox implosion
or the Yankees playoff exit
when even now – it’s only
preseason – the two meet
again like history-magnets
and this year’s promise
of rivalry running deep deeper
than any pundit prediction
or Las Vegas line
2012 AL East Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Each summer’s the same—
Young hopefuls and old hopeless
Trapped in the basement.
BOSTON RED SOX
The Hub returns to
Valentine’s Day, which we thought
Was ten years ago.
NEW YORK YANKEES
It seems so pettitte—
That the biggest worry is
Who’ll be fifth starter.
TAMPA BAY RAYS
Quality starters,
Like oranges, can be grown
By best and brightest.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS
O young club of hope,
Answer me this one question:
Have you any chance?
Matty Alou, The Poem
By Hart Seely
Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?
Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?
Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ‘em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.
Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012. You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.
Would You Like To Run the O’s?
by James Finn Garner
How would you like to run the O’s?
Round and neat
A team with such potential
Nearly ready to compete
You can earn a pretty penny
With it like so:
O! O! O!
Would you like to run the O’s?
Feathered and so fleet
Ready to contend in the
Wide-open AL East
It’ll cost you just your job
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: (whispering) My job?
The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So take the job and watch the O’s take flight.
Now listen. When you run the O’s, you won’t be alone. All your decisions as GM will have to pass muster with a bunch of front-office yes men that Peter Angelos refuses to fire. That is, when he’s not meddling directly himself.
And if you get a name past them, he’ll still have to be approved by Buck Showalter in the dugout, who’s as stable as a three-legged dog most of the time.
So you can have a high-profile job with lots of pressure and no power, in the toughest division in baseball, for the most incompetent owner in the game. So tell me….
Would you like to run the O’s?
Take over for Andy McPhail
He couldn’t stand the heat
Now he’s got time to golf and sail
It’ll cost you just your job
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Did we mention our “proud heritage”?
Just run the O’s and change them overnight.
Don’t forget the crab cakes.
So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Red Sox Baseball Sideways (Or How Not To Slide Safely In Boston)
by Stephen Jones
Franchise disarray
Post-season fingers pointing
Rumor mill working
Franchise scrambling
Truth . . . Boston fog obscuring
Who did what . . . or not?
A manager leaves
Pitchers eat chicken drink beer
Ownership denies
What to remember?
Two championships . . . or collapse?
Or “What’s next at bat”?
