The Early Bird Special in Tampa
by James Finn Garner
The Tampa Bay Rays are winning–
A shock in the American East!
It should send the turnstiles spinning
and bring in money for feeding the beast.
But the Juice Box is nobody’s favorite.
A new park would strengthen the team.
But who wants to pay for a new one
While the economy loses its steam?
If the pensioners balk at new taxes,
Here’s how to entice them to pay:
Offer cheap seats before five o’clock
With an unlimited Jell-O buffet.
Posted 7/9/08
Sermon on the First-Place Rays
by James Finn Garner
The first-place Rays?
The Tampa Bay Rays?
Are in first place?
What next? Oy vey!
Will pigs dance plies
As Earth starts to fray?
Or butterflies bray
Like proud dapple grays?
Will roosters now lay
Eggs filled with pate?
Or Felix Pie
Outhit Willie Mays?
Men, count ye the days
Til (the Bible says)
This world is ablaze
in a Doomsday haze!
In previous days
They were Devil Rays.
Deception can pay
In numerous ways.
Oh, kneel down and pray
For a heav’nly stay!
There’ll be hell to pay
For these first-place Rays!
Posted 5/14/08
4 Tampa Bay Haiku
by Gary Gillette
Tampa Bay Haiku No. 1
In God’s waiting room
The Sea hatches unholy
Bottom-feeding Rays.
Tampa Bay Haiku No. 2
Satanic rays swim
‘Round rev’nue-sharing sinkhole.
Damn Yanks; damn Red Sox.
Tampa Bay Haiku No. 3
Naimoli mantra:
Vinnie, we hardly knew ye.
Gale force storm brewing.
Tampa Bay Haiku No. 4
Even St. Peter
Could not make juice from concrete.
Bayside disaster.
Posted 4/15/08.
