Very Limited Menu

by James Finn Garner

A bad night in the mess for McCullers,
His cooking was nothing like mother’s
Served up five taters
Like an unlucky waiter
While his team swallowed goose eggs and crullers.

Ed. note — Man, I love crullers.

This Year’s Departures

by James Finn Garner

The season is done, the jocks are stored
Only two teams are left on the board
Let’s pause now, while for Friday we wait,
And salute the retirements of a few greats.

Pujols hit his 700th for the Cards
And now will have time to work on his yard.

Bosox and Cubs champ Jon Lester
Now is an official hammock tester.

Music lover Kurt Suzuki
Can learn the banjo or bouzouki

After the majors, Ádrian González played on
But after this year, A-Gon done gone.

Melky Cabrera, the man and the myth,
Will star in community theater: “The Melkman Cometh.”

And if anyone’s  looking for J.A. Happ,
He’s out on the patio, taking a nap.

 

Verlander

By James Finn Garner

Verlander
Doesn’t pander or meander
Just zeroes in like a salamander
(A monstrous one chased by Newt Scamander)
Take a gander at that wily right-hander
Tougher than Lysander
The Astros commander
Verlander

Choppy Seas

by James Finn Garner

The Mariners had the game in the can
Everything according to plan
Bring in Muñoz
And let Sewald close
But then came Hurricane Yordan.

 

All-Star Clerihews #2: The Brave and the Bold

C.J. Cron
Will talk on the phone
For hours and hours
With other BTS followers.

Alejandro Kirk
Doesn’t like to work
On anything other than
His abs and his tan.

Kyle Tucker
Loves the Drive-By Truckers
And any other bands that wanna
Straddle genres.

Tony Gonsolin
Keeps a pet pangolin
And regularly massages the armor
Of that weird little charmer.