LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”

OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.

SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third

TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds

When Oakland’s Swingin’ A’s were swingin’,
A hard-playing, mustachioed team–
Williams quit after winning two titles.
The skipper never changed or mellowed
In Expos white or Padres yellow.
Old-school grit, speed and defense vital.
Angels in heaven might hear him scream,
“You with the harp!  You call that singin’?”

LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM
So Peter Bourjos
Is the fastest man around.
Can he steal first base?

OAKLAND ATHLETICS
A new sun rising
On the bay…change is coming
For Balfour or Wuertz.

SEATTLE MARINERS
How long can the M’s
Stick with Milton Bradley’s act
Til the game’s over?

TEXAS RANGERS
Is it a surprise
That the Rangers have acquired
A pitcher named Bush?

.

Dive to short so deep
it’s almost left field–
a rifle shot
across the diamond–
low ricochet
dug out at first:
a play you’ll never
see again just
another box score out.

.

Posted 5/26/2010

To honor Hideki Matsui, this recap of the Yanks/Angels game of 4/23/10 will be presented in 5/7/5 form:

Pre-game
Yankees and Angels
First of three at The Big A
A.J., Ervin, Ks!

Bottom 1st
A.J. Burnett wild
Walks Erick Aybar on pitch
That reached the backstop

AJ then wheels and
Catches Aybar trying steal
Who needs Posada?

Bobby Abreu
Jealous of Matsui-love
Shown by former team?

Abreu doubles
He states “No walls were hurt in
making of this hit”

Next, Torii Hunter . . .
Swisher slides for liner, but
Can’t hold it, two on

Matsui lines out
But then Kendry Morales
Chops a pitch, hang time!

Mark Teixiera waits
And waits . . . and waits for it to
Come down . . . But too late

Abreu scores run
AJ gets Juan Rivera
To fly out to right

Top 2nd
Santana is sharp
Through two frames only one hit
(A-Rod line single)

Bottom 2nd
Maicer Izturis
Brings Yankees only tsuris
Singles past A-Rod

Kendrick named “Howard”?
He flies out to warning track
Burnett not fooling

Who’s Bobby Wilson?
All Angel catchers must have
Six letters in names?

Napoli is one
Mathis is another one
Who cares? Wilson Ks

Tsuris stole second
While Wilson was striking out
But Aybar ends threat

Top 3rd
Swisher pops to short
Gardner lines hit down left field
First double of year!

Jeter mirrors Brett
Dumps double down right field line
Tying game at 1

Johnson K’s, close pitch
Teix hit on elbow (again?)
Takes first base, two on

Alex rips a hit
Past Izturis, a single
Jeter scores, 2-1.

Teix now at second
Cano drives score truck, singles
Teix charges round third…

Plate was his to have
Wilson was out front, up line
Teix plowed over him

Wilson groggy, hurt
Was assisted off the field
No weight on left leg

That made it 3-1
Posada popped out to short
Could A.J. hold lead?

Bottom 3rd
Up stepped Abreu
He doubles again, off wall
Hunter lines to third

Alex snares it, throws
Off mark, Hunter runs into
Teix no harm no foul

Now its first and third
Matsui up, AJ gets
A pitcher’s best friend

4-6-3 DP
Run scores, can Burnett escape?
No, Kendry gets plunked

Rivera doubles
High off right-centerfield wall
Tie game now . . . field goals?

Tsuris adds to woes
He doubles, Angels 4-3
Pins in A.J. dolls

Burnett finally
Gets third out of the inning
On Kendrick groundout

Top 4th
With one out, Swisher
Goes yard, deep to dead center
Second of season

After second out
Jeter singles, owns Ervin
Johnson dumps single

Yes, a hit for Nick
Breaking 0 for 21
Who needs aggressive?

Angels get revenge
On Teix, as he watches pitch
For strike three, three out

Bottom 4th
Napoli leads off
(6-letter swap of catchers)
He gets plunked . . . a trend?

Aybar, Abreu
And Hunter . . . none of them gets
Ball out of infield

Top 5th
Yankees are jealous
Of last three Angels at-bats
Go three up three down

Top 6th
Still 4-all, quiet?
Pitchers finally settled?
Nope, Granderson walks

And since we haven’t
Had one in what, three batters?
Swisher gets hit too

Gardner squares to bunt
Rizzuto turns in his grave
As Brett pops it up

Bottom 6th
Tsuris and Kendrick
Continue the recent trend
Igor? More groundouts!

Napoli obeys
Fetches another groundout
A.J. is happy!

Top 7th
Meet Kevin Jepsen
But no, Jane is not his wife
He’s the new pitcher

Bottom 7th
Pitch 103 ends
Burnett’s night, as Abreu
Works walk with one out

Rally monkeys out
David Robertson? He’s in
Abreu tries steal

Posada pegs throw
Nails Abreu, so much for
That Rally Monkey

Robertson fires
Hunter flails at the high heat
We’re still tied at 4

Top 8th
Scioscia’s set-up man
Fernando Rodney comes in
Two quick outs ensue

Gardner works a walk
Jeter works his at-bat hard,
Give Gardner a chance

Brett complies, steals base
Jeter, on Rodney’s eighth pitch
Taps back to the box

Bottom 8th
Girardi makes move
But why bring in Joba now?
Morales owns him

Matsui first up
Knocks a hard single, Willits
In to pinch-run now

Morales lifetime
4 of 6 versus Joba
Can you guess outcome?

I don’t think the ball
Has landed yet, no doubter
Rivera singles

Joba yells in glove
Joba? That won’t solve problem!
I’d blame Girardi

Top 9th
Fuentes on to close
Thames pinch-hits for Nick Johnson
Why? Need baserunners!

Three pitches, goodbye
Teix flies out to right and its
Up (down?) to A-Rod

A lazy flyout
Rally Monkeys roaming free
This one stings a bit

Summary
Burnett’s offspeed stuff
Was missing first three innings
But AJ battled

Only hit, walk, plunk
In his last three-plus innings
Robertson lights out

Santana also
Settled after shaky start
Relievers did job

Yankees held hitless
Last five and a third innings
But had some chances

These originally appeared on the blog Bronx Banter.

Posted 5/11/2010

ANGELS
Rich Latino woos
White fans who usually hire
Latino workmen.

ATHLETICS
Moneyball’s sunset
Means the lineup now includes
Kevin Kouzmanoff.

MARINERS
Hey, Jack Z….that nut
That fell off the hitting tree?
He’s your problem now.

RANGERS
Sweet spring robins’ song
May sound suspiciously like
“Neftali Feliz.”

.

Posted 4/20/2010

ANGELS
Without its K-Rod,
Sun-dappled Orange County
Prepares for a fight.

ATHLETICS
Green-and-gold adorned
Athletes play in stadia
Named for software.

RANGERS
In football country,
The titans of summer’s game
Proceed unnoticed.

MARINERS
Tho Junior returns,
Creaky knees and failing sight,
The M’s will blow chunks.

.

Posted 4/3/09

Real Brewers don’t go out of business so fast.
Real White Sox don’t unravel in hours.
And actual Angels don’t fall from the stars
And land on their butts.

And real Cubs don’t slink out with their tails between their legs
Like a pack of whipped mutts.

Posted 10/16/08

Standing tall and smiling, a friendly Angel with no halo,
Vladimir Guerrero.
It’s hard to believe he once was an Expo.

It hurts just to watch him run,
Gobbling turf with gigantic strides,
Hobbling on rusty knees.

Still lets baseballs loose like cannon fire,
Nailing some runners and
Scattering buckshot into the stands.

Tattoos pitches wherever they’re thrown,
High in the zone or at his ankles,
Just like Clemente.
And I’ll tell you what rankles—we’re ignoring him.

We’re watching a great player RIGHT NOW.
See that line-drive triple? How he legged it out, limping like a war vet,
Sliding in, a big grin,
Clapping his hands?
For God’s sake, people, stand up for the man!!

Posted 4/30/08 

Is it too late to call Cal?
Or even Bob Bonner?
With Hernandez or Fahey, the season’s a goner.

BOSTON

The pitching staff is shot to hell.
With Schilling, Beckett, and Colon unwell,
They’re Dice-rolling at the opening bell.

CHICAGO

Will the Sox get greedy
With Crede?
Watch your back, Ozzie—or, rather, watch Joe’s.

CLEVELAND

It’s time for the talent to show.
And with any luck (please, God)…
Maybe a new logo?

DETROIT

No injury worries—not even a tinge!
When any Tiger feels a twinge,
They’ll call on Brandon Inge.

KANSAS CITY

Tote that Bale, lift that Gload,
Another long year in KC?
Or a renaissance? These kids are beginning to be.

LOS ANGELES

K-Rod,
And Vlad the Impaler,
And a bunch of young pitchers hopping out of a trailer.

MINNESOTA

No cash for Johan or Torii,
But there’s money for Nathan—within reason—
Though he pitches just 70 innings a season.

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND

The Yankees won’t listen to reason!!
They’ll pull out their Wang
To open the season!!

OAKLAND

What’s that sound from the Street?
Is it Foulke music so sweet?
Oh, it’s Rich Harden’s shoulder, grinding like meat.

SEATTLE

Half the team has reached the big three-oh,
And aside from Ichiro,
There’s a lot of “don’t know.”

TAMPA BAY

They sent Longoria to Triple-A
To reduce his service time? Feh!
This franchise is still the pride of Mephistofele.

TEXAS

Trouble children, like Bradley and Hamilton,
And a pitching staff
Of no wheat and all chaff.

TORONTO

Toronto has Coats.
Maybe they’ll avoid
A cold April.

Posted 3/31/08