The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Ichiro’s struggling this year,
Though I don’t know how you could tell.
When he hits, his team’s under .500,
When he doesn’t, they don’t do so well.

.

Paul
Hit a ball
Out for his fifth straight day. No Sox
Bat has got six straight days of park-vacating knocks.

Mitch
Also hit a ball out, which
Put things such that his squad won.
No outs–not a pitch (bar 10 and a half prior innings’ worth)–prior to winning run.

Zack
Didn’t lack
For Ks,
Notching 10 against Rays.

Ryan Howard
Is not a coward.
His hit wound up a big inning
So his squad wound up winning.

Brian
Had to start pitching, as Placido and Ryan
Both got hit by a pitch
On back-to-back plays, that inning. At that point, you must switch.

Carl Pavano
Had to go mano-a-mano
With his opposing moundsman. Carl didn’t notch a hit
But as his squad had 8 in as many at-bats, was cool with it.

Justin Smoak
Was part of a ninth-inning croak.
His squad was up by four
But couldn’t shut Washington’s door.

Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!

Fans in New England (the Red Sox Nation)
Are masochists in anticipation.

Yankee fans are clever guys
Two strikes on batter, they all rise
Sophisticated crowd.  Who knew
All of them could count to two?

The Cubby fans are loud and jivey,
Or are they rooting for the ivy?

It’s Baseball Night in Canada, eh?
Do the Blue Jays fight or do they play?

Texas loves the Texas Rangers
To the rest of us they’re total strangers.

Mets fans shout it:
Fuhgeddaboudit!

Good players are what their diamond lacks
But their fans still cheer the Diamondbacks.

The team is shaky in Seattle
The players may but the fans don’t rattle.

Florida fans all like to laze
Watch the game, take in the Rays.

Some fans will cheer and that’s
All we have for the Washington Nats.

Philadelphia’s fandom
Cheers or boos—it’s random.

LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM
So Peter Bourjos
Is the fastest man around.
Can he steal first base?

OAKLAND ATHLETICS
A new sun rising
On the bay…change is coming
For Balfour or Wuertz.

SEATTLE MARINERS
How long can the M’s
Stick with Milton Bradley’s act
Til the game’s over?

TEXAS RANGERS
Is it a surprise
That the Rangers have acquired
A pitcher named Bush?

To watch for years a losing team,
He’d root and hope and sometimes scream.
Alvin D and Junior G,
Edgar M and Gaylord P,
Til ’95–a magic dream!

Familiar things he’d shout and cry…
A grand salami, my oh my!
Seattle fans will miss his call,
This one’s sailing toward the wall…
Fly away, Dave. It’s gone. Goodbye.

In the euphoria of the NLCS, this Phillies fan contemplated a pitching duel for the ages and channeled the spirit of Edgar Allan Poe for this poem.  Alas, the matchup wasn’t meant to be, which adds the appropriate amount of heartbreak to this homage to Poe.

It was many and many a month ago
.   In a ballpark in NYC
That an Ace there pitched so nonchalant
.   That caught pop-ups non-chalantly

He was an ace and Doc was an Ace
.  at this ballpark in South Philly
Dare we dream of a game that is more than a game
.  One with Halladay – Lee
With an arm that the horned demons in Bronx
.  Coveted Clifton P. Lee

And this was the reason that, months ago
.  In this ballpark in South Philly
A smug came out, refurbished the farm
.  by trading our Clifton P. Lee
So that our deep pocket neighbors can
.  can sign him from SEA
To set him up with Sabbathia
.  In their kingdom in NYC

The Rangers, not half as blessed with pitching
.  Went trading with SEA for Lee
Yes, this was the season (as old men know,
.  for the team that was once from DC)
That the Doc came out of a cold north town
.  Starting and stopping their Clifton P. Lee

But their team it was far stronger than the teams
.  Of those with Chocolate Chili
.  Of those with Jerry Garci…
And neither the Angels in Los Angeles/Anaheim
.  Or the demons in Bronx, NYC
Can ever dissever Game one from Game one
.  ‘gainst Rangers,’gainst Yankees

For when a game starts, the players start winning my heart
.  Especially Halladay – Lee
Other stars will rise, but none, in my eyes
.  match the aces that this night I see
And so as the sun died, I sat down on my hide
With my Yuengling – my Riesling – my team and my bride
.  See the stadium in South Philly
.  In the glory of Halladay – Lee.

Found on the Phillies blog, The Good Phight.

Don Wakamatsu, he
Told Chone Figgins, “Hit the showers.”
Figgins, a la Hong Kong Phooey,
Showed how he can hit for power.

Tie the skipper to the mast,
Seattle’s ship is sinking fast.

.

He no longer earns a roster spot
Or even earns his keep.
The one thing that Ken Griffey’s earned
Is a nice long sleep.

.

Posted 5/17/10

ANGELS
Rich Latino woos
White fans who usually hire
Latino workmen.

ATHLETICS
Moneyball’s sunset
Means the lineup now includes
Kevin Kouzmanoff.

MARINERS
Hey, Jack Z….that nut
That fell off the hitting tree?
He’s your problem now.

RANGERS
Sweet spring robins’ song
May sound suspiciously like
“Neftali Feliz.”

.

Posted 4/20/2010