Armageddon Somethin’ Goin’ On
by James Finn Garner
Some say we face the End Times,
With ice caps disappearing,
Financial pains and hurricanes,
And war with Russia nearing.
But th’ hills of Armageddon
Will look like fields of clover
If the Pale Hose and Cubs oppose
Each other in October.
We’ll see blue-faced yuppies pounce
On shirtless mokes with mullets,
The Bridgeport night with bombs alight,
and Bernie’s strafed with bullets.
The hordes of Satan’s army
And counterparts from Heaven
Will find that they’ve not much to save
If the Series goes to seven.
Posted 10/1/08
There’s a Riot Going On
By Stuart Shea
Out of nowhere came The Riot
To beef up the Cubbie diet
Adding speed and walks to a slow, old, hacking club.
Maybe he’s no budding star,
But he’s done quite well so far,
And the fans enjoy his spirit as a Cub.
In the talk of Harden, Soto,
And Kosuke Fukudomo,
No one speaks of Theriot as MVP.
But without his OBP,
Where would the offense be?
There’d be no RBIs for Big D. Lee.
Uh, or A-Ram.
Posted 9/24/08
Don’t Try This at Home, Dude
By Stuart Shea
You can’t cut the lawn
Like Carlos Z. pitches.
You’d lose hold of the mower
And get 80 stitches.
You can’t do your taxes
Like Carlos Z. throws.
You’d ball up receipts
And punch your own nose.
You can’t do brain surg’ry
Like Carlos Z. hurls.
Your patients would die
While you did angry twirls.
But there’s nothing like watching the dervish in blue
When he harnesses everything that he can do.
Just ask HOU.
Posted 9/17/08
