How thin-skinned Red Sox players
Seemingly are off-stage
Dramatically running to defend
“Slighted” comrade Youkilis

It seems nothing in Boston functions
Without turmoil
And there’s no such thing as “just a blip”
On Boston’s radar

So what’s next in Bean . . . no
“Diva” Town?
Saddle up City of Boston
For a bumpy summer stage

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz

COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer

LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild

SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks

“Cheering the Beard” is such a thorny notion
It nearly got Ozzie chucked in the ocean.

Instead he crash-landed in water so hot
‘T’would turn a refugee raft ‘to a teapot.

Down in Miami, fidelity to Fidel
Earns one the stature of Eddie Gaedel.

So Guillen, he of cojones inflated,
Went way overboard and got Castro-ated!*

(* But while landing Hernandezes at the beach
Let’s try not to trample all over free speech.)

Michael X. Ferraro is a TV writer/producer and author of Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History and Tased & Amused: The Shocking Poetic Recap of the 2010 Baseball Season.

Like the time-honored herd made of turtle,
The White Sox see a race full of hurdle.
Sure, they’ve won by one run,
But rebuilding’s no fun,
Chelonian, they are, for certle.

CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.

CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.

HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.

As the management turns a new leaf
The old fans are relearning their grief
As the ace, Dempster’s strong,
But then brace for what’s wrong,
And make plans to get burned in relief.

ATLANTA BRAVES
So many moons past…
The spring of Chipper gives way
To rust and pallor

MIAMI MARLINS
New house and new name
Young folks up til all hours
The Blizzard of Ozz

NEW YORK METS
They built this Citi.
Now they have to live in it
Short fences or not

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
At the keystone sack
Nothing but questions surface
In this pennant Chase

WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Message from the East—
“Beware high expectations”
Tapped out in Morse code

BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Each summer’s the same—
Young hopefuls and old hopeless
Trapped in the basement.

BOSTON RED SOX
The Hub returns to
Valentine’s Day, which we thought
Was ten years ago.

NEW YORK YANKEES
It seems so pettitte—
That the biggest worry is
Who’ll be fifth starter.

TAMPA BAY RAYS
Quality starters,
Like oranges, can be grown
By best and brightest.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS
O young club of hope,
Answer me this one question:
Have you any chance?

Reyes gone.
Life goes on.
New woes take
time to bake.
Now Johan
can’t pitch/can?
Either way,
sad to say,
fans don’t care,
won’t be there.
“Citifield,
where Mets yield.”
Money’s tight
wallet’s light.
Can’t pay loans,
Wilpon phones
MLB
just to see
if they can
find a plan.
Get some jocks
with high socks,
shirts tucked in
after win.
Will Dave Wright
now take flight?
Song of swan,
“Reyes gone.”

Ron Kaplan is the head honcho at the excellent blog, Ron Kaplan’s Baseball Bookshelf, which is about baseball but not strictly about books.

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