Sale: Storied Franchise
By McCourt in divorce court
Call: 1-800-Bailout

How would you like to run the O’s?
Round and neat
A team with such potential
Nearly ready to compete
You can earn a pretty penny
With it like so:
O! O! O!

Would you like to run the O’s?
Feathered and so fleet
Ready to contend in the
Wide-open AL East

It’ll cost you just your job

Ernie: My job?

The Salesman: SHHHHHH!

Ernie: (whispering) My job?

The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So take the job and watch the O’s take flight.

Now listen. When you run the O’s, you won’t be alone. All your decisions as GM will have to pass muster with a bunch of front-office yes men that Peter Angelos refuses to fire. That is, when he’s not meddling directly himself.
And if you get a name past them, he’ll still have to be approved by Buck Showalter in the dugout, who’s as stable as a three-legged dog most of the time.
So you can have a high-profile job with lots of pressure and no power, in the toughest division in baseball, for the most incompetent owner in the game. So tell me….

Would you like to run the O’s?
Take over for Andy McPhail
He couldn’t stand the heat
Now he’s got time to golf and sail

It’ll cost you just your job

Ernie: My job?

The Salesman: SHHHHHH!

Ernie:  My job?

The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!

So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Did we mention our “proud heritage”?
Just run the O’s and change them overnight.
Don’t forget the crab cakes.
So run the O’s and change them overnight.

McCarver was a Cardinal
We’re taught to believe
He caught Bob Gibson
For his thumb he still grieves

Yet as an announcer
No praise for the Cards, just bashes
By omission or commission
The man’s head’s up his asses.

Alan is a sociology professor at Central Michigan University.

Franchise disarray
Post-season fingers pointing
Rumor mill working

Franchise scrambling
Truth . . . Boston fog obscuring
Who did what . . . or not?

A manager leaves
Pitchers eat chicken drink beer
Ownership denies

What to remember?
Two championships . . . or collapse?
Or “What’s next at bat”?

I wish Detroit had gone farther,
not so quickly emptied their larder
.     but I feel I’m in luck
.     to not hear Joe Buck
and double that for Colonel McCarver.

Dearest Mary,

Mine eyes have seen the stresses
of the team far back in June;
of a long goatee brought in to save
but failing far too soon.

Four score and one game makes a half,
and both sides of the all-star break
our men did try their best, yet
good progress they could not make.

Out went McClellan; in came Grant
to help us win the day,
while Sherman (twenty-nine) burned the South
and turned the tide our way.

And now, my dear, I’ve decided that
to bring Cardinal nation together I’ve got
to give command of the ball, at the very end,
to the able Ulysses S. Motte.

Prayerfully yours,

Abe

A Cubs fan laments of Cardinal success,
In the face of Philly’s utter Yankee-ness,
And Arizona’s owner’s militant anti-immigrant mess,
Of Milwaukee’s ties to the Commish’s anti-player caress…
Fans of cursed fate are sad to witness.

Good-bye, Ozzie,
Good-bye, Ozzie,
Good-bye, Ozzie,
You’re going to leave us now.

Merrily you roll along,
Roll along,
Roll along,
Merrily you roll along
Down to F-L-A.

No more cursing,
No more tweeting,
No more bull#@*&,
You’re going to leave us now.

Let’s see how you do in Miami
Miami
Miami
Let’s see how you do in Miami
With non-existent fans.

Good-bye, Ozzie
Good-bye, Ozzie
Good-bye, Ozzie
Your act went on too long.

The Blue of the Bums, the Orange of the Jints and the interlocking NY,
The Mets cap was designed to reflect Big Apple baseball historicity.
Why not wear FDNY or NYPD on 9/11? It’s all about New York City.

The Blue of the Bums, the Orange of the Jints and the interlocking NY.
Joe’s dad walked a Brooklyn beat, but still Bud pinned it on Torre.
He walked out when he was dissed by The Boss, so seriously – what’s the real story?

The Blue of the Bums, the Orange of the Jints and the interlocking NY.
The design is now, of course, officially MLB licensed apparel.
It’s yours for just $29.95, but it won’t save you when your life is in peril.

The Blue of the Bums, the Orange of the Jints and the interlocking NY.
Like the horror of that day ten years ago, we’re left to wonder who’s responsible and why

Rod Nelson is the managing editor of The Emerald Guide to Baseball 2011.

Salary caps,
Spending caps,
Baseball caps…
Caps the Mets couldn’t wear with their uniform,
Because they didn’t conform,
Or some crap.
Baseball’s image burned
As Bud Selig took a nap.