How would you like to run the O’s?
Round and neat
A team with such potential
Nearly ready to compete
You can earn a pretty penny
With it like so:
O! O! O!

Would you like to run the O’s?
Feathered and so fleet
Ready to contend in the
Wide-open AL East

It’ll cost you just your job

Ernie: My job?

The Salesman: SHHHHHH!

Ernie: (whispering) My job?

The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So take the job and watch the O’s take flight.

Now listen. When you run the O’s, you won’t be alone. All your decisions as GM will have to pass muster with a bunch of front-office yes men that Peter Angelos refuses to fire. That is, when he’s not meddling directly himself.
And if you get a name past them, he’ll still have to be approved by Buck Showalter in the dugout, who’s as stable as a three-legged dog most of the time.
So you can have a high-profile job with lots of pressure and no power, in the toughest division in baseball, for the most incompetent owner in the game. So tell me….

Would you like to run the O’s?
Take over for Andy McPhail
He couldn’t stand the heat
Now he’s got time to golf and sail

It’ll cost you just your job

Ernie: My job?

The Salesman: SHHHHHH!

Ernie:  My job?

The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!

So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Did we mention our “proud heritage”?
Just run the O’s and change them overnight.
Don’t forget the crab cakes.
So run the O’s and change them overnight.

The Rangers lay their popguns down
Nolan Ryan sports a frown
The Cardinals new life have found
When Mr. Freese comes to town

The Texas bullpen crashes down
Nelson Cruz fields like a clown
The seat of Mark Lowe’s pants turns brown
When Mr. Freese comes to town

Bud Selig puts away the crown
Ol’ Dallas? One more cowtown
We all get a Game 7 showdown
When Mr. Freese comes to town

I wish Detroit had gone farther,
not so quickly emptied their larder
.     but I feel I’m in luck
.     to not hear Joe Buck
and double that for Colonel McCarver.

Beltre thought it a routine DP,
As simple as, well, 6 – 4 – 3,
.     But third base interrupted
.     And the Tigers erupted
And are still fighting for the ALC

Driven Hard, Still Eats Up The Road

Son, take a look at this year’s Verlander,
This model’s sure worth a gander.
.     With the mileage he’s racked up
.     He still hasn’t cracked up
And his aim down the road never wanders.

Like a monkey on a hurdy-gurdy
Jumps Papa Grande Valverde

As jumbled as a keyboard QWERTY
He gets batters to watch the birdie,
Then with control most absurd, he
Blows it by them, nice and purty.

His yellow glasses somewhat nerdy
Don’t match a gut profound and sturdy.
In interviews he’s somewhat wordy
(Though certainly no Krishnamurti)

Will his total saves reach twice 30?
Will the Motown squad get down and dirty?
With fickle hist’ry flirts he,
Our fireman Jose Valverde.

When Jose Reyes won the title
it gave us pause to check his mettle.
Which body part did serve him best:
His heart, his biceps, or his ass?

Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau
Had miserable seasons, and so
.    The Twins are now heading
.    Into future rough sledding
In the land of the ice and the snow.

I’ll prob’ly buy some bags of mulch
And mix them in the garden.
Kids’ homework sure could use my touch.
College football’s starting.

The DVDs of “Breaking Bad”,
They won’t watch themselves.
Tomatoes are almost set to can.
The basement needs more shelves.

Cold mornings tell us now it’s fall
But before the snows arrive,
I long for the days when baseball
Lasted six months, not just five.

Ozzie and Kenny fighting at the Cell
(Throw Greg Walker in as well)
First come shouts,
Then comes snarling,
Then comes Ozzie (finally!) moving to the Marlins.

The Indians’ move was U-bold-o
Getting Jimenez away from the Rockies.
Their hot idea might end up cold, though,
If his outings continue so schlocky.