Foul Ball, Section 18, Comerica Park, July 16
by James Finn Garner
These are the saddest of all possible words:
Foul ball bounced up in my nuts.
Flew up like a hawk and fell back like a turd.
Foul ball bounced up in my nuts.
Ruthlessly pricking my gonfalon testes,
Causing me pain from my east to my westies,
Never again will I be at my besties:
Foul ball bounced up in my nuts.
Most Invisible Player
by James Finn Garner
Ichiro’s struggling this year,
Though I don’t know how you could tell.
When he hits, his team’s under .500,
When he doesn’t, they don’t do so well.
.
The Real Reason for Your Slump
by James Finn Garner
Your sluggers are all whiffin’.
Is there anybody to reproach?
Why wait for their resolve t’ stiffen?
Better fire the hitting coach.
Most of the old game’s half-mental
(On Yogi’s turf do I encroach)
Best not get too intellectu’l,
Just fire the hitting coach.
The star himself’s not to blame–
That thought we can barely approach!
The real problem is old what’s-his-name,
Our replaceable hitting coach.
Dunn and Dunn-er
by James Finn Garner
Adam Dunn can’t hit his weight.
In the AL, the DH job
Don’t get done at .168.
A hit man working for the mob
Posting such an average
would end up in a trunk, well plugged.
By even elfin Lillibridge
Is this day-old pot roast outslugged.
With warmer weather, heaven willing,
The Sox’ll wield more potent lumber.
Adam, a tip from TV’s Tom Skilling:
In Chicago, it’s already summer.
Though Alex Rios is glad to see
A “slugger” choking worse than he.
Ozzie U R 2 Much! LOL!
by James Finn Garner
When Ozzie G. twitters a tweet,
He lands his ass in the hot seat.
With a quick 4G link,
He reveals in a wink
That his mouth can hold more than both feet.
