Here’s the Wild Card Pitch

by James Finn Garner

Pitch me, says the movie mogul.
Walk-off homer, I nervously gargle.

Bah, been done before. New twist?
Actually rare? But I get your gist…

Come-from-behind Cinderella tale?
More like a team that shouldn’t fail.

Scrappy underdogs? Ragtag bunch?
Favorites from way back in March…

So who’s next up? These “Giant” guys.
That squad can actually surprise.

It’s a mess! Disaster! Optics all wrong!
Not if framed like: Godzilla vs. Kong.

Okay, green light! You’re in luck,
But you’ll need star power–get that Joe Buck.

 

Late-Season Pleasures

by James Finn Garner

If the Orioles
Had any squad goals
Before the season kicked off

I’m sure they were higher
Than being the spoiler
For those punching into the playoffs

But be realistic
There’s been nothing artistic
Regarding the Orioles’ play

Take your fun where you can
And what’s more fun than
Pissing off the Bosox and Jays?

 

MLB All-Hot-Drink Team

1B   Toddy Helton
2B   Jack Coffey
SS   Manny Macchiatto
3B   Coco Laboy

LF   Mike Rum
CF   Coco Crisp
RF   Latte Walker

C     Punch Knoll

LHP   Everett Teaford
RHP  Todd Coffey, Pasqual Coco, Chai Chai Gonzales

MGR    Capuccino Anson

A Padre Inveighs

By James Finn Garner

Three separated shoulders
Makes a guy bolder
Or so thinks Fernando Tatís

But to fight with an ump
Makes him look like a chump,
Advice Manny gave him gratis.

 

The Ache by the Lake

by James Finn Garner

Getting no-hit thrice in a season?
Cleveland fans cry, “Stop the bleeding!
Let baseball wind down
We’ll turn to the Browns…”
Wait, wasn’t fandom supposed to be pleasing?