Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Each year at the end of July
Teams prepare to sell and buy
The services of various guys
Who’re excelling on so-so teams
Or have lost that “new baller” sheen
Or whose fat contracts have burst their seams
Some teams move to go all in
While others see the talent’s thin
“Let the rebuild begin (agin)”
April hopes implode and sink
And fans look for another kink
To fill their time as daylight shrinks
Until daring to dream again in spring.
1BÂ Â CJ Cronut
2BÂ Â Jack Coffey
SSÂ Â Davey Claire
3BÂ Â Troy Glaze
LFÂ Â Willie Tim Horton
CFÂ Â Coco Krispy Kreme
RFÂ Â Daryl Boston Cream
CÂ Â Â Jimmies Foxx, Thurman Munchkin
PÂ Â Â Lance McCrullers, Cal Crum, Tyler Danish
MGR Dave Dunkin
Fernando TatÃs
Hits home runs with ease
But you should watch him try
To watch telenovelas and not cry.
Bo Bichette
Once used a baguette
To swing at a pitched ball
Left fans in stitches in Montreal.
Max Muncy
Gets pretty punchy
When you ask why his name
Sounds like a gumshoe in a board game.
Gerrit Cole
Would sell his soul
For the secret of eternal youth
And to eat hot dogs like Babe Ruth.
Mike Trout
An All-Star, but out,
A parallel, I suppose,
To his post-season career with the Halos.
Ozzie Albies
Likes to trek through the tall trees
And ask the numberless stars
How many Ozzies there are.
Carlos Rodón
Has got it goin’ on
Non-tendered after 2020
Now mowing down batters like el jefe.
Buster Posey
Doesn’t want to be nosey
But just wants to know that
You’re gonna finish eating that?
Shohei Ohtani
Crushes balls unlike any
And pitches like a mystery–
Face it, folks, we’re watching history.
Josh Hader
Might bring his waders
Along on the All-Star break
And do some fishing on a cool Colorado lake.
Jesse Winker
Tends to lay off the sinkers
But he can go nuts
For a well-made cronut.
J.T. Realmuto’s
Favorite might be Pluto
Among cartoon dogs, but he
Identifies the most with Muttley.
