Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Gregory Soto
Swears like a mofo
When he misses with that strike,
Let’s hope he’s not miked.
Nelson Cruz
Has paid his dues
A better batter in his fifth decade
He’ll go straight from the trainer’s room to Medicaid.
Marcus Semien
Is an infield chameleon
He currently looks great in Blue
Could easily switch to Cardinal or Red, too.
Yusei Kikuchi
Would like to send a smoochie
To his mom and dad in Japan
And all the Saitama Seibu Lions fans.
While Bardball can’t salute all the greats
Playing now, it’s not up to debate:
To be esteemed in our verse
You could do a lot worse
Than smash a foul up in your dates.
(Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
When your team’s offense ain’t up to par
And sluggishness has gone too far
Tell Triple A you need your new star
. Lars Nootbaar!
Rejuvenating like a new cute car
Or Celia Cruz shouting “Azucar!”
To batting woes, say au revoir
. Here’s Lars Nootbaar!
His range is measured by hectare
Strokes his bat like a steel guitar
(Hope he lasts longer than a shooting star)
. Go, Lars Nootbaar!
Man of aplomb
Defuser of bombs
For Queens, a balm
An alley-wise tom
The best from Babylon
To Viet Nam
(And never forgets to call his mom)
That’s Jacob deGrom.
The only qualm:
Can his arm stay on?
When the ASG did Manfred abort,
“Job creators” took baseball to court.
“Irreparable harm”?
The judged marked their smarm
And mocked how their case came up short.
“To say that the legal underpinnings of this lawsuit are weak and muddled is an understatement.”
