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Life is Good

by James Finn Garner

Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked over lamp—

Relax!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—

Smile!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your yard now faces a new freeway ramp.
Your son’s engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—

Life is good!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Reposted 2/22/2010

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Just Hold On Til Mo

by James Finn Garner

.

 Dedicated to skittish Yankee fans everywhere:

.

When your son asks you advice on mascara,
When your head’s a-flame and your mouth’s a Sahara,
When that small, still voice inside prattles like Berra–
I’ve got two words:
Mariano Rivera.

When you’re uprooted and force-marched to some terra
Incognita, a dark, doomed hell where a perky Sarah
Palin is president and not just a chimera–
I’ve got two words:
Mariano Rivera.

When you yearn for escape and consider hara-
Kiri–Breathe deep, relax, don a fresh guayabera,
And watch the greatest hero since Before the Common Era–
He’ll bless you and keep you:
Mariano Rivera.

.

Posted 11/3/2009

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10/4/87

By Stuart Shea

There was a big game going on in Detroit
To decide the Eastern division champ
But my brother and I were at Comiskey
Where despite the October sunshine
The atmosphere was damp.

I was 24 but even then had an overarching sense
of melancholy.
The last game of a mediocre season?
Perfect fit for me.

The Sox beat the Athletics 5-2.
No big deal; neither team
Was going anywhere but home.

One reason we went is that we knew it would be Reggie Jackson’s last game ever.
So we alternately cheered and booed him.
He got two hits.

When the game ended
Ozzie Guillen threw his glove high in the air
And I hoped that it would never come down.

.

Posted 10/21/2009

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Goodnight and Good Luck

By Stuart Shea

It’s the last day of the season,
The end of the road for 22 teams.
And the last day in the majors for a lot of guys…
we just don’t know who, yet.

Many big-league careers will end today.
The 24-year-old prospect who’ll tear up a knee in winter ball,
The 30-year-old marginal regular who’ll go to Japan to cash in,
The 33-year-old situational reliever who can’t get anyone out,
The 36-year-old backup catcher who’ll get cut next spring and retire.

Let’s tip our hat to the as-yet unknown who will exeunt omnes,
Because baseball is about them just as much
as it is about Manny and Dice-K and Greinke and C.C.

.

Posted 10/6/2009

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Twins Persistence

by James Finn Garner

No matter how many times they’re whacked,

Those pesky Twins keep coming back.

 

Like a dose of clap on your wedding day,

Those lousy Twins won’t stay away.

 

Like a yappy dog or a Ringling clown,

Those stinking Twins won’t lay down.

 

In another division, I’d admire their pluck,

But as a Tiger and Sox fan, it looks like I’m stuck

 

Watching them ruthlessly turning their tricks

Like a mad masked killer in a teen slasher flick.

 

Like a zombie army or Ted Williams’ head,

Those #$%@!!  Twins just won’t stay dead.

Posted 10/5/2009