ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz

COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer

LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild

SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks

CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.

CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.

HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.

ATLANTA BRAVES
So many moons past…
The spring of Chipper gives way
To rust and pallor

MIAMI MARLINS
New house and new name
Young folks up til all hours
The Blizzard of Ozz

NEW YORK METS
They built this Citi.
Now they have to live in it
Short fences or not

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
At the keystone sack
Nothing but questions surface
In this pennant Chase

WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Message from the East—
“Beware high expectations”
Tapped out in Morse code

CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?

CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.

DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.

KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.

MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.

The Hall of Fame’s honor and riches
Ron Santo deserved without pitches.
.      But denied for too long
.      Was the man’s well-earned song
By an old bunch of sons of bitches.

.

by Cary Donham

Ron’s a hero to folks diabetic
‘Cause on the field he was super-kinetic
.      Whether diving for balls
.      Or arguing calls
Or clicking his heels so aesthetic

It’s been a good year,
And we still have beer.
Prince may be gone,
But our buzz is still on.

How could that squirrel
Send Roy Oswalt squirmin’?
Well, Cardinals eat seeds and
don’t hunt vermin.

He may look like Anthony Michael Hall,
But Hunter Pence can do it all.
Puts it over the right field wall
With the ugliest swing you ever …  sall.

The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Good-bye, Ozzie,
Good-bye, Ozzie,
Good-bye, Ozzie,
You’re going to leave us now.

Merrily you roll along,
Roll along,
Roll along,
Merrily you roll along
Down to F-L-A.

No more cursing,
No more tweeting,
No more bull#@*&,
You’re going to leave us now.

Let’s see how you do in Miami
Miami
Miami
Let’s see how you do in Miami
With non-existent fans.

Good-bye, Ozzie
Good-bye, Ozzie
Good-bye, Ozzie
Your act went on too long.