Brand New Allegory
by Sid Yiddish
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In November,
When trees become slender
Why is baseball still being played?
We’ve strayed into dangerous territory
A brand new allegory
That sadly cannot be fixed
What we learn,
When there is money to burn
Is not much, to say the least
Just as long as there are hops and yeast added to the mix
A few more tickets to sell
And a couple of hotdogs too
The game could be played well into December,
A month when we traditionally feel the warmth of glowing embers,
But the idea of frostbitten toes and fingers just makes no sense!
I mean, can you imagine Chicago’s Carlos Zambrano in a big gray parka, scarf over mouth while pitching an ice ball straight over the plate, while St Louis’ Mark DeRosa is shivering and shuffles his feet just to keep warm and knocks the ice ball right into the stands, causing fans to slip on ice patches and scuffle over an ice ball, thereby giving frostbite and twisted ankles to several fans in sub-zero temperatures, while both bullpens are warming up with giant bonfires made from Louisville Sluggers?
Well, I can.
But I don’t want to.
And this is why baseball should not go beyond mid-October.
For on Christmas Day, I don’t want some guy say, “Can’t wait for the annual New Year’s Major League Snowball Bash.”
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Posted 11/9/2009
Past Balls
by Hilary Barta
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The haunt of Octobers of olde,
The field named for Wrigley’s grown cold,
Faint echoes from bats
Of men who wear spats
Who late in the season don’t fold.
This season for Cubbies is toast.
As always, they’re missing the “post”.
There’s curses and theories
Why Cubs won’t host series.
They ought to just give up the ghost.
Each year the Cubs try to remold,
Each year the fan’s hope is fool’s gold,
But millionaire fans
Hatch bankruptcy plans:
The team to a diehard’s been sold.
.
Well known as a comic artist, Hilary Barta also runs the terrific site Limerwrecks, featuring limericks on swamp monsters, film noir, comic books, and pop culture. Its daily content is a must-read.
Posted 10/20/2009
Game Over for Milton Bradley
by James Finn Garner
.
Milton Bradley got into Trouble
Caught in the Wrigley Field bubble.
A Payday enormous
For such poor performance.
Now his Career’s nothing but rubble.
.
Sorry, Milt, that Chicago’s blunt fans
Made it seem less than a Candyland.
That’s the Risk that you take
Living Life by the lake.
It’s like permanent Ants in the Pants.
.
Is the Aggravation because you are black?
Balderdash, Milty, You Don’t Know Jack.
We all had a Clue
This is what you would do.
Last Word: Your Cranium’s cracked.
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Posted 9/21/2009
