Where You Gonna Go?

by James Finn Garner

“Where you gonna go?” — Reds President Phil Castellini on Opening Day, commenting on fans’ discontent with the Reds’ lack of success

Where else might Reds fans go?
Pocatello, Idaho
Acapulco, Mexico
Amarillo or The Alamo
A baseball town like San Diego
Fresno, Buffalo, Reno, Cabo
How ’bout Tokyo or Nagano?
Or swing north to jolly Oslo?

Many exciting destinations appealed
‘Cause they sure stayed away from Great American Field.

The No No-No

by Greg Simetz

The fans in Cincinnati
Have been driven somewhat batty
By a ball club bound for doom.
Then hurlers Greene and Warren
Achieved a feat so rare and foreign
Finally cutting through the gloom.
Holding Pirate batters hitless
For eight innings, said one witness,
Appeared to seal a Redlegs win
But in a twist of fate so wicked
A fielder’s choice was committed
And they lost a no-hit gem.

 

In Dusty We Still Trusty

by James Finn Garner

Dusty Baker notched his 2000th win
With a toothpick lodged into his grin
No World Series ring?
That don’t mean a thing
His record requires no spin.

Astros' Dusty Baker joins 2,000-win club; here's how high he could climb

Photo by David J. Phillips/Associated Press

Rube Benton

by Michael Ceraolo

It’s better to be lucky than good
I wasn’t good:
I knew the Series had been fixed in ’19,
though I’ve always denied that I profited from that knowledge
(wink wink)
And though I fit the Commissioner’s definition
of someone who wasn’t strictly honest,
and though others had been banned for ‘guilty knowledge’,
I was lucky to be a pawn in the game
between the Commissioner and the league presidents,
so I was not banned, and was able to play
three more years in the majors
and then eight years in the minors after that