The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Roger Clemens says “I’ll walk”
to clustered eager media
leaving court prosecution balked
warned by a bench previous

Know the rules
don’t fudge the facts
just prove the act

(& steroids run to trivia
rupturing historia)

Now $10 Million of trial prep
taxpayer dollars up in smoke
Clemens amid hollers walks
backdoor to Cooperstown

Time to make amends
(I wish would’ve been said)
By Roger Clemens
(But I cannot judge)

There’s tangled arrogance
Supposed abuse & media rush
Posturing on the mound a stance
In court too to hush

By filed papers
By disclaimers
That a person is naive
Yet aware & conflictive

I thought this bare-knuckle
Bare-faced debacle
Would’ve been erased
By an all-forgiving fan base

But this coming legal sieve
Only wishes/draws attention
To media-flushed speculation
A barrel of brine to leave

Paul
Hit a ball
Out for his fifth straight day. No Sox
Bat has got six straight days of park-vacating knocks.

Mitch
Also hit a ball out, which
Put things such that his squad won.
No outs–not a pitch (bar 10 and a half prior innings’ worth)–prior to winning run.

Zack
Didn’t lack
For Ks,
Notching 10 against Rays.

Ryan Howard
Is not a coward.
His hit wound up a big inning
So his squad wound up winning.

Brian
Had to start pitching, as Placido and Ryan
Both got hit by a pitch
On back-to-back plays, that inning. At that point, you must switch.

Carl Pavano
Had to go mano-a-mano
With his opposing moundsman. Carl didn’t notch a hit
But as his squad had 8 in as many at-bats, was cool with it.

Justin Smoak
Was part of a ninth-inning croak.
His squad was up by four
But couldn’t shut Washington’s door.

Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!

CHICAGO CUBS
Oh, Michael Quade—
Lead us up Mt. Zambrano
But slowly, slowly.

CINCINNATI REDS
Aroldis Chapman
Fast as a spring tornado
Wilder than berries.

HOUSTON ASTROS
Blooms on orange tree:
Figueroa? Barmes? Hall?
’nother sour batch.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
Are you ribbing me?
Zack out for all of April?
I hate basketball.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Youth must have its day.
Better that green kids err than
Jeromy Burnitz.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Albert? No Albert?
Rumors expand and contract
About new contracts.

Been an Astro for so long,
Got the gong,
Here’s your song:

Bye, bye, Berkman.

Master of the hard line drive,
You’re 35?
What’s that jive?

Bye, bye, Berkman.

When Ed Wade shipped your contract to the Yankees last July,
You didn’t know it wasn’t “come on back,” but just “goodbye.”

The hourglass is losing sand.
Will you land
In Japan?

Bye, bye, Berkman.

Twas the night that we clinched, and all through the house
not a creature was stirring (’cept Hunter Pence, that louse).
All the kids and the grownups at GABP
were waiting to see what the inning would be.

When up to the plate strode the mighty Jay Bruce.
And right in that moment, my mind saw the news.
The ’Stros brought a lefty, but Jay Bruce just smirked,
Stepped in to the box, and he went straight to work.

He swung the bat hard, so fast and so quick
That I knew in a moment in the stands it would stick.
He raised both his arms and he ran with a smile,
And Joy rose in Cincy that had been gone for a while.

Marty was happy, and so was son Thom.
Even Jim Day and Pic were enjoying that bomb!
The fireworks, how bright! The crowd, O how merry!
For such a great season, an appropriate cherry.

So thanks Aaron and Bronson, Brandon and Scott.
Thanks Orlando and Joey, the whole stinking lot!
And I heard them exclaim as they rode out of sight:
“Merry Clinchmas to all, and to all a Reds’ night!”

An ode to shuttered baseball parks.  For info on Johnny Rosenblatt Stadium, please check the comments thread below.

And here’s to you, Boston’s Fenway Park,
Jesus loves you more than you will know — wo, wo, wo.
God bless you please, windy Wrigley Field,
Heaven holds a place for those who pray.
Hey, you’re all that remain.

We’d like to know a little bit about old stadia,
We’d like to help you keep some memories.
Look around you, all you see are old angelic eyes.
Strolling hallowed grounds of New York’s Polo Grounds.

And here’s to you, Jackie Robinson,
Ebbets Field saw fans who open grew — woo, woo, woo.
God bless you please, Jackie Robinson,
Brooklyn holds a place for those who played
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.

Now so many places live where no one ever goes:
Shea, the Vet, Three Rivers and Candlestick.
It’s no shock Olympic Stadium’s no longer used.
Bigger surprise the House Ruth Built is gone now.

Coo, coo, ca-choo, all old stadia
We remember more than you will know — wo, wo, wo.
God bless you please, Houston Astrodome,
We remember Bad News Bears’ clutch play
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.

Sitting in the bleachers on a Sunday afternoon,
Going to a big late-season day game.
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Ev’ry way you look at it, you lose.

Where have you gone N. C. Double A
A nation turns its hungry eyes to you — woo, woo, woo.
What’s that you say, President Myles Brand?
Rosenblatt has left and gone away!
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.

Posted 9/7/10

CUBS
Whither the Starlin?
For now, he makes a nest out west
In loverly Des Moines.
.
CARDINALS
Blah de blah de blah.
Pujols is going to be dealt.
When hell is frozen.
.
ASTROS
Old, boring players,
Mediocre announcers,
Fans that prefer football.
.
BREWERS
A Wolf is Riske,
But worth two in the Bush. Bring
Hoffman a Coffey.
.
PIRATES
I walk in the park
So pretty, green, bright, and lush.
Ugh! The Bucs play here.
.
REDS
Ardolis Chapman.
Good for 200 wins or shoulder problems,
It’s up to Dusty.

.

Posted 3/23/2010

They couldn’t keep him down!
He’s back for another round.
The guy with the funny name
Has another chance at fame.

Make sure to fill out a brand new dance card-o!
Last night saw the return of Yorman Bazardo!

.

Game Update!  by James Finn Garner

In his debut with the Astros — “Howdy there, Pard-o!” –
Yorman left the Fish battered and scarred-o
(Though with 10 hits, they might have starred-o).
Our young stud of his dignity keeps a shard-o.
When the ‘Stros play the Phils next, wherever the yard-o,
Yorman will hoist those Phools on their own petard-o!

.

Posted 8/20/2009