There once was a Prince from Milwankee
Whose wife gave him no hanky panky
.     I’ll be ready, she said,
.     To take you to bed
When you swing your big bat as a Yankee

Jonathan Eig is the author of Luckiest Man: The Life and Death of Lou Gehrig, Opening Day: The Story of Jackie Robinson’s First Season,  and Get Capone, all now out in paperback.

A Cubs fan laments of Cardinal success,
In the face of Philly’s utter Yankee-ness,
And Arizona’s owner’s militant anti-immigrant mess,
Of Milwaukee’s ties to the Commish’s anti-player caress…
Fans of cursed fate are sad to witness.

It’s been a good year,
And we still have beer.
Prince may be gone,
But our buzz is still on.

All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York

They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range

They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.

They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.

But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.

Auspicious signs
Ten games up
A month to go
September in Wisconsin
Baseball still a hot topic
Three million fans
Make the trek to Miller Park
Skeptical fans
Beginning to believe
This will be a season
To remember
Ryan, Prince, and T. Plush
On the cover of S.I.
LaRussa disconcerted
Still
The pennant
Not clinched yet
Work to do
“Gotta Go”

In 2008, Sabathia came,
And helped Milwaukee win the crown.
But he left that winter without a wave
When the Yankees laid the big money down.

Now in ’11 the Brewers soar
With a Prince playing out the end of his deal.
Will the market gap play out and drive him away?
How are the fans supposed to feel?

Paul
Hit a ball
Out for his fifth straight day. No Sox
Bat has got six straight days of park-vacating knocks.

Mitch
Also hit a ball out, which
Put things such that his squad won.
No outs–not a pitch (bar 10 and a half prior innings’ worth)–prior to winning run.

Zack
Didn’t lack
For Ks,
Notching 10 against Rays.

Ryan Howard
Is not a coward.
His hit wound up a big inning
So his squad wound up winning.

Brian
Had to start pitching, as Placido and Ryan
Both got hit by a pitch
On back-to-back plays, that inning. At that point, you must switch.

Carl Pavano
Had to go mano-a-mano
With his opposing moundsman. Carl didn’t notch a hit
But as his squad had 8 in as many at-bats, was cool with it.

Justin Smoak
Was part of a ninth-inning croak.
His squad was up by four
But couldn’t shut Washington’s door.

Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!

CHICAGO CUBS
Oh, Michael Quade—
Lead us up Mt. Zambrano
But slowly, slowly.

CINCINNATI REDS
Aroldis Chapman
Fast as a spring tornado
Wilder than berries.

HOUSTON ASTROS
Blooms on orange tree:
Figueroa? Barmes? Hall?
’nother sour batch.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
Are you ribbing me?
Zack out for all of April?
I hate basketball.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Youth must have its day.
Better that green kids err than
Jeromy Burnitz.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Albert? No Albert?
Rumors expand and contract
About new contracts.

Zach Grienke’s arm is hinky.
Jake Peavy’s feeling skeevy.
Adam Wainwright’s wing ain’t right.
Rich Harden’s asked for pardon.
Brad Lidge is off a smidge.
That goes ditto for Johnny Cueto.

And an inflamed elbow is causing
Pain for Jason Isringhausen.

Thank God for March,
So these great apes
Have one less month
To fall out of shape.

It took longer than expected
Not surprising
Most things worthwhile do
April and May
Blown saves
No longer
The bellwether of the bullpen
Closer role lost
No excuses offered
Baseball a performance-driven job
He says
Finally against the Cardinals
A groundball to short
Secures save number six hundred
Fans and teammates ecstatic
Proof good guys really can finish first
Let’s hear “Hells Bells”one more time
Thanks, Trevor