Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Corbin Burnes
Knows his gulls from his terns
In the role of a birder
He’s absolute murder.
Sterling Marté
Sure loves to par-tay.
Whiskey, tequila, rum–
Whatever you got, he’ll have some.
Alek Manoah
Has never been to Samoa
But he knows the nightlife is da bomb
In Guam.
Pete Alonso
Has tattoos of Gonzo,
Miss Piggy, Scooter, Fozzie and where space permits,
Kermit.
150. Cardinals 5, Brewers 2
Red Birds best the Crew
3 hits just won’t get it done
Against this hot club.
 151. Cardinals 2, Brewers 1
Woodford v. Woodruff
Both pitchers strong out of gate
Cardinal is stronger.
Crew close but still lose
Can’t slow the Red Birds down much
As they win 10th straight.
152. Cardinals 10, Brewers 2
So Jace on the mound
And Omar playing second?
This cannot be good…
It’s unfortunate
Timing to take a nosedive
Now comes the hard part.
Shohei Ohtani
Crushes balls unlike any
And pitches like a mystery–
Face it, folks, we’re watching history.
Josh Hader
Might bring his waders
Along on the All-Star break
And do some fishing on a cool Colorado lake.
Jesse Winker
Tends to lay off the sinkers
But he can go nuts
For a well-made cronut.
J.T. Realmuto’s
Favorite might be Pluto
Among cartoon dogs, but he
Identifies the most with Muttley.
Game 63. Brewers 7, Pirates 4
It’s a tight ballgame
Then Bucs can’t find the strike zone
And gift us 3 runs.
Game 64. Brewers 7, Pirates 4
Crew down 4 – nothing
Then put up 5 in the 4th
To put Pirates down.
Game 65. Brewers 5, Pirates 2
Winning continues
Crew sweep the Bucs outta town
Now back to the Reds.
The Brewer Haiku-er documents every Brewer game of the season in haiku on Twitter. Other Twitter haiku mavens are @MarinerBasho, @dodgershaiku1, @CardinalHaiku, and @TheCubsinHaiku. Follow them all and give ’em some high-five-seven-fives.