Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pittsburgh Pirates' Category


Crossing the Clemente Bridge

by Stewart O’Nan

The Tigers come in 6-0.
That’s not how they’re gonna go.
Our offense may not look like much–
a bunch of kids surrounding Cutch–
and sure, we’re missing Russell Martin,
Charlie Morton’s no longer startin’,
Volquez is gone, and bench coach Jeff Bannister
has a throne in Texas like a Bush or Lannister,
but A.J.’s back, and Cory Hart, Confederate soldier,
plus all the kids are one year older.
With Pedro
you don’t know,
so bring on the Cards,
the cream of the division,
and the Reds’ decidedly senior edition,
and the ‘roid-riddled Brew Crew,
and the overpraised Cubs.
We’ve got enough talent to hang with those clubs.
After years in the desert,
our wandering’s over.
Cutch is our Moses.
See you in October.

Let’s go Bucs!

 

Stewart O’Nan is the author of 18 books, including Faithful: Two Diehard Boston Red Sox Fans Chronicle the Historic 2004 Season, written with Stephen King. His latest novel is West of Sunset.



National League Central 2015 Spring Training Haiku

By Stuart Shea

Cubs
A Sure Thing is not
called “A Sure Thing” unless it
hasn’t happened yet

Reds
Jason Marquis back?
Surely this is a sign that
the world is ending.

Brewers
For one final spring,
Aramis Ramirez tries
to avoid diving

Pirates
Could Clint Hurdle
be the Bucs’ final hurdle
to winning a title?

Cardinals
Some with a fresh start
Will soar higher than they could
Down in the southland

 



Lower the Jolly Roger

By Stuart Shea

These Pirates played with spirit,
Didn’t fear it,
Threw inside,
Didn’t hide,
Played like a team.

Up-the-middle guys made a difference,
And good defense,
But last night they didn’t pitch or hit
For shit.
So endeth the dream.

 



Brewers Collapse in a Nutshell Haiku

by Tom Martin (@brew_haiku)

Game 140. Cardinals 3, Brewers 2
Brewers lose and the
State of Wisconsin says
“Meh, it’s football season”

Game 141. Brewers 6, Cardinals 2
Losing streak over
Fiers, Scooter and Davis shine
Winning streak at one

Game 142. Cardinals 5, Brewers 3
Lohse faces old team
Gives up a couple homers
Crew can’t bail him out

Game 143. Cardinals 7, Brewers 0
In 9th, who’s that passing us?
“Hi Pirates, on your way up!”
We keep on falling

Cardinals 9, Brewers 0
It’s Wei-Chung Wang time
Bernie Brewer to pitch next
Crew raises white flag



All-Star Clerihews #1

by Hugh Briss

Troy Tulowitzki
Must be throwing fits. He’s
The top vote-getter among NL jocks,
Yet plays for a bottom-feeder like the Rox.

Andrew McCutcheon
Walks around touching
Each and every light switch
Cuz his OCD is just a bitch.

Anthony Rizzo,
That’s a big favor to owe.
You’ll have to deliver, by gawd,
Before they uncover Chicago’s election fraud.

Chase Utley
Needs a course in geography.
Instead of Minnesota,
He booked a flight to North Dakota.

Jose Altuve:
Smooth move, eh?
Spend the week away from Houston,
Maybe get some fishing done.

 

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