Bardball » Pittsburgh Pirates http://bardball.com Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel Mon, 05 Dec 2011 20:41:14 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Matty Alou, The Poem http://bardball.com/matty-alou-the-poem/ http://bardball.com/matty-alou-the-poem/#comments Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:13:37 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/?p=2164 By Hart Seely

Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?

Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?

Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ‘em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.

Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012.  You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.

]]> http://bardball.com/matty-alou-the-poem/feed/ 1 Cubbie Opening Day Double-Header http://bardball.com/cubbie-opening-day-double-header/ http://bardball.com/cubbie-opening-day-double-header/#comments Mon, 04 Apr 2011 14:20:35 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/?p=1268 by Hilary Barta

April Fools Rush In

To Wrigley the faithful had rushed
in hopes that the Pirates were crushed
From start to the finish
their wishes diminish
Till finally, fatally, flushed.

Opening Deluge

On schemes of the Cubbies it drizzled
as dreams of a “W” fizzled
It’s hard to succeed
when blowing a lead
Young Cubs fans already look grizzled.

Hilary Barta runs the site Limerwrecks, which is well worth your time and attention.

]]> http://bardball.com/cubbie-opening-day-double-header/feed/ 4 NL Central 2011 Haiku Predictions http://bardball.com/nl-central-2011-haiku-predictions/ http://bardball.com/nl-central-2011-haiku-predictions/#comments Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:14:30 +0000 stu http://bardball.com/?p=1203 By Stuart Shea

CHICAGO CUBS
Oh, Michael Quade—
Lead us up Mt. Zambrano
But slowly, slowly.

CINCINNATI REDS
Aroldis Chapman
Fast as a spring tornado
Wilder than berries.

HOUSTON ASTROS
Blooms on orange tree:
Figueroa? Barmes? Hall?
’nother sour batch.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
Are you ribbing me?
Zack out for all of April?
I hate basketball.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Youth must have its day.
Better that green kids err than
Jeromy Burnitz.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Albert? No Albert?
Rumors expand and contract
About new contracts.

 

]]> http://bardball.com/nl-central-2011-haiku-predictions/feed/ 0 To Those Who Think The Yankees Are Overpaid http://bardball.com/to-those-who-think-the-yankees-are-overpaid/ http://bardball.com/to-those-who-think-the-yankees-are-overpaid/#comments Mon, 04 Oct 2010 13:52:57 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/?p=1001 by Stephen Jones

Counting: 15 out of 16 years past
to Yankee playoff possibility:

Pirates?  Padres?  The Indians, e.g.?
(the list of small- & medium-market
teams is as long as owners’ ledgers)
a dis-service to their fans:

So don’t argue:

That your team owners may be committed
to money to profit not to bases counted
or games won: to profit sharing:
& so much for quality & parity

Some teams are designed to contend
others merely to make money

]]> http://bardball.com/to-those-who-think-the-yankees-are-overpaid/feed/ 0 Johnny Rosenblatt http://bardball.com/johnny-rosenblatt/ http://bardball.com/johnny-rosenblatt/#comments Tue, 07 Sep 2010 05:24:23 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/?p=877 by Todd Herges

An ode to shuttered baseball parks.  For info on Johnny Rosenblatt Stadium, please check the comments thread below.

And here’s to you, Boston’s Fenway Park,
Jesus loves you more than you will know — wo, wo, wo.
God bless you please, windy Wrigley Field,
Heaven holds a place for those who pray.
Hey, you’re all that remain.

We’d like to know a little bit about old stadia,
We’d like to help you keep some memories.
Look around you, all you see are old angelic eyes.
Strolling hallowed grounds of New York’s Polo Grounds.

And here’s to you, Jackie Robinson,
Ebbets Field saw fans who open grew — woo, woo, woo.
God bless you please, Jackie Robinson,
Brooklyn holds a place for those who played
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.

Now so many places live where no one ever goes:
Shea, the Vet, Three Rivers and Candlestick.
It’s no shock Olympic Stadium’s no longer used.
Bigger surprise the House Ruth Built is gone now.

Coo, coo, ca-choo, all old stadia
We remember more than you will know — wo, wo, wo.
God bless you please, Houston Astrodome,
We remember Bad News Bears’ clutch play
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.

Sitting in the bleachers on a Sunday afternoon,
Going to a big late-season day game.
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Ev’ry way you look at it, you lose.

Where have you gone N. C. Double A
A nation turns its hungry eyes to you — woo, woo, woo.
What’s that you say, President Myles Brand?
Rosenblatt has left and gone away!
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.

Posted 9/7/10

]]> http://bardball.com/johnny-rosenblatt/feed/ 1 The Legend of the Racing Pierogi http://bardball.com/the-legend-of-the-racing-pierogi/ http://bardball.com/the-legend-of-the-racing-pierogi/#comments Wed, 07 Jul 2010 02:10:54 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/?p=682 by James Finn Garner
.
An opinionated pierogi
(Not bratwurst, donut or hoagie)
Got canned by the Bucs,
Who then looked liked schmucks.
He’s back racing — that doughy rogue, he!
.
For background on this newsworthy event, click here.

Posted 7/7/2010

]]> http://bardball.com/the-legend-of-the-racing-pierogi/feed/ 0 Perilous Pursuit of the Perfect Rhyme http://bardball.com/perilous-pursuit-of-the-perfect-rhyme/ http://bardball.com/perilous-pursuit-of-the-perfect-rhyme/#comments Mon, 21 Jun 2010 15:35:11 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/?p=526 by Darryl Warren

Bear with me, please, trust me I’m casting
In search of a rhyme for Milledge, Lastings.

Posted 6/21/10

]]> http://bardball.com/perilous-pursuit-of-the-perfect-rhyme/feed/ 1 To-Do List http://bardball.com/to-do-list/ http://bardball.com/to-do-list/#comments Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:30:36 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/to-do-list/ By Ember Nickel
.
There’s more than clocks that must be cleaned in spring:
Some clocks were cleaned, but we don’t need them here.
There’s new faces to meet, all who will bring
Something different to their team for this year.
.
So say hello to Halladay. Don’t say
That Placido need be placid, though. Greet
Greenhorns around the leagues. Proudly call “hey”
To Justin Heyward and each star you meet.
.
Try your best to keep up with Garrett Jones.
Welcome back Marcum. Spring’s glories fade fast
So soak it all in before it all drones
Into no more than murmurs of the past.
.
Learn more of phenoms that you may have heard
Just briefly of. Say hi. Welcome a Byrd.

.

Posted 4/21/2010

]]> http://bardball.com/to-do-list/feed/ 0 National League Central 2010 Haiku Forecasts http://bardball.com/national-league-central-2010-haiku-forecasts/ http://bardball.com/national-league-central-2010-haiku-forecasts/#comments Tue, 23 Mar 2010 13:48:58 +0000 James Finn Garner http://bardball.com/national-league-central-2010-haiku-forecasts/ by Stuart Shea
.

CUBS
Whither the Starlin?
For now, he makes a nest out west
In loverly Des Moines.
.
CARDINALS
Blah de blah de blah.
Pujols is going to be dealt.
When hell is frozen.
.
ASTROS
Old, boring players,
Mediocre announcers,
Fans that prefer football.
.
BREWERS
A Wolf is Riske,
But worth two in the Bush. Bring
Hoffman a Coffey.
.
PIRATES
I walk in the park
So pretty, green, bright, and lush.
Ugh! The Bucs play here.
.
REDS
Ardolis Chapman.
Good for 200 wins or shoulder problems,
It’s up to Dusty.

.

Posted 3/23/2010

]]> http://bardball.com/national-league-central-2010-haiku-forecasts/feed/ 0 Pirate S#&@ http://bardball.com/pirate-s/ http://bardball.com/pirate-s/#comments Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:54:32 +0000 stu http://bardball.com/pirate-s/ by Stu Shea

.

Freddie and Jack play for Pittsburgh,
Losers for many a year,
It’s not hard to see
That this century
Local fans want a winner to cheer.

The Pirate ship’s listing and lurching,
Taking on water and flies.
Nobody’s good
And it’s understood
That “untouchable” doesn’t apply.

Freddie and Jack want new contracts.
Fred can’t play second at all.
Jack cannot hit,
And the team’s for s#&@,
These guys ain’t en route to The Hall.

.

Posted 8/18/2009

]]> http://bardball.com/pirate-s/feed/ 0