The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.

The bats have finally come to life
but things here still don’t seem right

Uggla can’t get going here
and Linebrink fills the fans with fear

every single pitch he throws
has a fan’s heart coming up his throat

for fear the game will soon be lost
and then a home run ball is tossed

when will Fredi make a move
let Venters close and Kimbrel groove

his fastballs in the 8th instead
so we can try to get ahead?

we can’t beat Philly 2 of 3
and then get smothered by D.C.
makes no sense if you ask me!

A wildcat did prowl
The wind began to howl
and Oddibe McDowell
belongs in a Bob Dylan song.
.

Jim Siergey is the author and illustrator of the Cubs alternate history If They Did It. You can see more of his illustration work at his website here.

ATLANTA BRAVES
It’s a New Brave World,
New players, new chief, newspeak,
And an old Chipper.

FLORIDA MARLINS
A Southern poser:
If teams play in the forest
Will anyone care?

NEW YORK METS
Luis Castillo
Will drop pop-ups someplace else
This sunny summer.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
The best rotation?
Either what the Phillies have
Or the earth itself.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Despite higher Werth,
From Ankiel to Zimmerman
They’ll still be boring.

Oh, what is to be done with Brooks
If you can’t blame umpiring crooks,
Nor looming Giants, hated mooks,
Nor your peers, inadvertent schmucks?
Pilfer question marks from scorebooks
Recording dodgy moves by rooks?
Pelt him with food from angry cooks?
Hope he retreats to distant nooks?
Or just give him frustrated looks
And celebrate Cox’ final hooks?

The peerless Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!

Consider the case of Tim Lincecum,
With veins of ice water and an arm made of gum.
He looks like a stoner, but he isn’t dumb.
Those Cy Youngs weren’t promos packaged with rum.

He made Cox and the Braves rue they had come.
All D-Lee saw was a blur and a hum.
When he eats your lunch, dude, he won’t leave a crumb.
The Giants’ new hero, Ted Lincecum.

Sweet “like acid rain”
Lou erupts no more. Old Guard
Retreats from dugout.

Bobby “WTF?”
Cox pissing and moaning fades
Into Georgia dusk.

The Saga of Joe Torre:

Sucked in St. Lou and
Shea. Then, in fall, to the Bronx,
And now he’s a champ??

.

Posted 4/21/2010

BRAVES
No Glavine. No Smoltz.
“Chipper” Jones no longer is.
Where has my youth gone?
.

MARLINS
If a ball club plays
In an empty stadium
Does anyone hear?
.

METS
A pleasant spring, but
No Reyes of sun for the Mets.
FBI? Thyroid?
.

PHILLIES
Is this an old team?
Well, 18 of them were born
Before Reagan’s years.
.

NATIONALS
As Strasbourg links France
and Germany, Steve Strasburg
spans Nats’ talent gap.

Posted 4/4/10