NL East 2011 Haiku Predictions
By Stuart Shea
ATLANTA BRAVES
It’s a New Brave World,
New players, new chief, newspeak,
And an old Chipper.
FLORIDA MARLINS
A Southern poser:
If teams play in the forest
Will anyone care?
NEW YORK METS
Luis Castillo
Will drop pop-ups someplace else
This sunny summer.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
The best rotation?
Either what the Phillies have
Or the earth itself.
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Despite higher Werth,
From Ankiel to Zimmerman
They’ll still be boring.
In Which I Try to Compensate for the Lack of Rhymes for “Conrad”
by Ember Nickel
Oh, what is to be done with Brooks
If you can’t blame umpiring crooks,
Nor looming Giants, hated mooks,
Nor your peers, inadvertent schmucks?
Pilfer question marks from scorebooks
Recording dodgy moves by rooks?
Pelt him with food from angry cooks?
Hope he retreats to distant nooks?
Or just give him frustrated looks
And celebrate Cox’ final hooks?
The peerless Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!
14 Ks for Ted Lincecum
by James Finn Garner
Consider the case of Tim Lincecum,
With veins of ice water and an arm made of gum.
He looks like a stoner, but he isn’t dumb.
Those Cy Youngs weren’t promos packaged with rum.
He made Cox and the Braves rue they had come.
All D-Lee saw was a blur and a hum.
When he eats your lunch, dude, he won’t leave a crumb.
The Giants’ new hero, Ted Lincecum.
Three Managerial Haiku
by Gary Gillette and Stuart Shea
Sweet “like acid rain”
Lou erupts no more. Old Guard
Retreats from dugout.
Bobby “WTF?”
Cox pissing and moaning fades
Into Georgia dusk.
The Saga of Joe Torre:
Sucked in St. Lou and
Shea. Then, in fall, to the Bronx,
And now he’s a champ??
To-Do List
By Ember Nickel
.
There’s more than clocks that must be cleaned in spring:
Some clocks were cleaned, but we don’t need them here.
There’s new faces to meet, all who will bring
Something different to their team for this year.
.
So say hello to Halladay. Don’t say
That Placido need be placid, though. Greet
Greenhorns around the leagues. Proudly call “hey”
To Justin Heyward and each star you meet.
.
Try your best to keep up with Garrett Jones.
Welcome back Marcum. Spring’s glories fade fast
So soak it all in before it all drones
Into no more than murmurs of the past.
.
Learn more of phenoms that you may have heard
Just briefly of. Say hi. Welcome a Byrd.
.
Posted 4/21/2010
