Good-bye, Ozzie,
Good-bye, Ozzie,
Good-bye, Ozzie,
You’re going to leave us now.

Merrily you roll along,
Roll along,
Roll along,
Merrily you roll along
Down to F-L-A.

No more cursing,
No more tweeting,
No more bull#@*&,
You’re going to leave us now.

Let’s see how you do in Miami
Miami
Miami
Let’s see how you do in Miami
With non-existent fans.

Good-bye, Ozzie
Good-bye, Ozzie
Good-bye, Ozzie
Your act went on too long.

Ozzie and Kenny fighting at the Cell
(Throw Greg Walker in as well)
First come shouts,
Then comes snarling,
Then comes Ozzie (finally!) moving to the Marlins.

ATLANTA BRAVES
It’s a New Brave World,
New players, new chief, newspeak,
And an old Chipper.

FLORIDA MARLINS
A Southern poser:
If teams play in the forest
Will anyone care?

NEW YORK METS
Luis Castillo
Will drop pop-ups someplace else
This sunny summer.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
The best rotation?
Either what the Phillies have
Or the earth itself.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Despite higher Werth,
From Ankiel to Zimmerman
They’ll still be boring.

27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.

Baiting his hook with sinkers
Sliders, heat, and curves,
Halladay set down every fish
And he betrayed no nerves.

27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.

Snaring every one
And tossing them in his boat,
Halladay did a good day’s work
And earned a right to gloat.

27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.

Hunter, Koufax, Robertson,
Bunning, Wells, Buehrle,
Halladay is now in
Interesting company.

27 fish came up.
27 fish went down.
.
Posted 6/8/2010

Hanley Ramirez jogged after the ball.
Hanley Ramirez didn’t hustle at all.

Hanley Ramirez was pulled from the game.
Hanley Ramirez tried shifting the blame.

Hanley Ramirez blew off some steam.
Hanley Ramirez was shunned by his team

Hanley Ramirez heard from the press.
Hanley Ramirez was in a big mess.

Hanley Ramirez, we know, isn’t dense.
Hanley Ramirez came to his sense.

Hanley Ramirez has answered the mob.
Now Hanley Ramirez goes back to his job.

.

Posted 5/31/10

.

I got your batter here, he’s gonna start the year
Right down in Florida where the weather’s clear.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that we got, Cantu.
You know he’s gonna come through, come through, come through.

.

Cantu will get a hit, if he’s on top of it,
As long as Gonzalez doesn’t make him sit.
New game, new game, it’ll turn out just the same.
Each game, each game, he’ll drive someone in each game.

.

I said, this guy right here, we all should hold him dear,
He’s gonna get some hits, and I’m real sincere.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that we got, Cantu.
You know he’s gonna come through, come through, come through.
Cantu–this guy we got right here!

.

This is his time to shine, cause on the morning line,
I heard he could pull it off here in game nine.
Has chance, has chance, this guy says he’s got a chance.
If he says he’s got a chance, has chance, has chance.

.

He’ll go out there and shine, his swing is looking fine,
And you know Bailey was never a friend of mine.
Today, today, this is gonna be his day.
It’s looking like a good day, today, his day.

.

He’s gonna be that guy to get the RBI
He’s gonna hit a homer and let it fly.
Big threat, big threat, the Reds know he’s a big threat.
They’re calling him a big threat, you bet, big threat.

.

And just a minute, boys,
I hear the broadcast noise,
He’s got a homer! That’s gonna bring many joys.
It’s done, we won, and now he is number one.
If he’s really number one, we won, we won.
Yeah, Cantu was the guy with the RBI,
Because he hit a homer and let it fly.

.

We’ve got the      GUY    RIGHT     HERE!

.

Posted 5/25/2010

BRAVES
No Glavine. No Smoltz.
“Chipper” Jones no longer is.
Where has my youth gone?
.

MARLINS
If a ball club plays
In an empty stadium
Does anyone hear?
.

METS
A pleasant spring, but
No Reyes of sun for the Mets.
FBI? Thyroid?
.

PHILLIES
Is this an old team?
Well, 18 of them were born
Before Reagan’s years.
.

NATIONALS
As Strasbourg links France
and Germany, Steve Strasburg
spans Nats’ talent gap.

Posted 4/4/10

.

A 27th title
A 27th crown
I don’t believe it,
Did those Yankees buy it off like the 2003 Florida Marlins?

What’s a little extra cash between friends?
What’s a little stash hidden, what’s a little trash talk, just coz other teams didn’t win?

Blame it on the Yankees.
Since 2001 have been buying players black-market style, just to satisfy the fans.

Blame it on the Yankees
When A-Rod takes steroids
Blame it on the Yankees
When umpires look the other way
Blame it on the Yankees
When a new stadium was built and cost a ton
Blame it on the Yankees
When the new yarns are spun

Blame it on the Yankees
When the old legends mysteriously disappeared
Blame it on the Yankees
When they played on our worst fears
Blame it on the Yankees
When the Phillies lost hard
Blame it on the Yankees
When they caught the fans off-guard
Blame it on the Yankees
When they pulled hits out of thin air
Blame it on the Yankees
When they won the World Series fair and square

Blame it on the Yankees
Blame it on the Yankees

Because they always will.
.

Posted 11/11/2009

PHILLIES
Some defending champs
Next spring find their magic dust
Doesn’t work so well.

METS
Many suns have set
Since Pedro Martinez could
Throw over 90.

MARLINS
Buy season tickets!
We’ll throw in a free car wash
By Marlins players.

BRAVES
No Smoltz, No Maddux
Only Glavine left to fly
Their once-proud banner.

NATIONALS
Jim Bowden’s mission:
To leave behind a steaming pile
On Anacostia’s banks.

Posted 3/18/09

Florida is on the map–the Marlins are hot!
You want a Cinderella story? This we’ve got!

A star in the making with an Uggly name,
A third baseman with a Can-tu approach,
A left fielder Willing-ham to work, and
A superstar shortstop beyond reproach.

VandenHurk didn’t work and
Taylor has Tankersleyed.
But Miller’s ground opponents up,
Kevin Gregg has been the top.
And there’s no bad hops–just Badenhop.

They cannot last, these wriggling Fish,
Swimming in deep water with Phils, Braves, and Mets,
But it’s fun while it lasts, yo,
To see the big boys controlled
By Olson, Treanor, and Nolasco,
And Luis Gonzalez, who is 90 years old.