NL East 2011 Haiku Predictions
By Stuart Shea
ATLANTA BRAVES
It’s a New Brave World,
New players, new chief, newspeak,
And an old Chipper.
FLORIDA MARLINS
A Southern poser:
If teams play in the forest
Will anyone care?
NEW YORK METS
Luis Castillo
Will drop pop-ups someplace else
This sunny summer.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
The best rotation?
Either what the Phillies have
Or the earth itself.
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Despite higher Werth,
From Ankiel to Zimmerman
They’ll still be boring.
27 Fish
By Stuart Shea
.
27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.
Baiting his hook with sinkers
Sliders, heat, and curves,
Halladay set down every fish
And he betrayed no nerves.
27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.
Snaring every one
And tossing them in his boat,
Halladay did a good day’s work
And earned a right to gloat.
27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.
Hunter, Koufax, Robertson,
Bunning, Wells, Buehrle,
Halladay is now in
Interesting company.
27 fish came up.
27 fish went down.
.
Posted 6/8/2010
A Pocket History of the Hanley Ramirez Mess
By Stuart Shea
Hanley Ramirez jogged after the ball.
Hanley Ramirez didn’t hustle at all.
Hanley Ramirez was pulled from the game.
Hanley Ramirez tried shifting the blame.
Hanley Ramirez blew off some steam.
Hanley Ramirez was shunned by his team
Hanley Ramirez heard from the press.
Hanley Ramirez was in a big mess.
Hanley Ramirez, we know, isn’t dense.
Hanley Ramirez came to his sense.
Hanley Ramirez has answered the mob.
Now Hanley Ramirez goes back to his job.
.
Posted 5/31/10
Fugue for Marlins Fans
by Ember Nickel
.
I got your batter here, he’s gonna start the year
Right down in Florida where the weather’s clear.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that we got, Cantu.
You know he’s gonna come through, come through, come through.
.
Cantu will get a hit, if he’s on top of it,
As long as Gonzalez doesn’t make him sit.
New game, new game, it’ll turn out just the same.
Each game, each game, he’ll drive someone in each game.
.
I said, this guy right here, we all should hold him dear,
He’s gonna get some hits, and I’m real sincere.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that we got, Cantu.
You know he’s gonna come through, come through, come through.
Cantu–this guy we got right here!
.
This is his time to shine, cause on the morning line,
I heard he could pull it off here in game nine.
Has chance, has chance, this guy says he’s got a chance.
If he says he’s got a chance, has chance, has chance.
.
He’ll go out there and shine, his swing is looking fine,
And you know Bailey was never a friend of mine.
Today, today, this is gonna be his day.
It’s looking like a good day, today, his day.
.
He’s gonna be that guy to get the RBI
He’s gonna hit a homer and let it fly.
Big threat, big threat, the Reds know he’s a big threat.
They’re calling him a big threat, you bet, big threat.
.
And just a minute, boys,
I hear the broadcast noise,
He’s got a homer! That’s gonna bring many joys.
It’s done, we won, and now he is number one.
If he’s really number one, we won, we won.
Yeah, Cantu was the guy with the RBI,
Because he hit a homer and let it fly.
.
We’ve got the GUY RIGHT HERE!
.
Posted 5/25/2010
National League East 2010 Haiku Forecasts
By Stuart Shea
BRAVES
No Glavine. No Smoltz.
“Chipper” Jones no longer is.
Where has my youth gone?
.
MARLINS
If a ball club plays
In an empty stadium
Does anyone hear?
.
METS
A pleasant spring, but
No Reyes of sun for the Mets.
FBI? Thyroid?
.
PHILLIES
Is this an old team?
Well, 18 of them were born
Before Reagan’s years.
.
NATIONALS
As Strasbourg links France
and Germany, Steve Strasburg
spans Nats’ talent gap.
Posted 4/4/10
