Homer in the Ninth
by Todd Herges
.
From the Ninth Book of Homer’s Odyssey
(Lines 101-112, as translated by J. W. MACKAIL, c. 1905)
Then for a while, as long as morn was grey,
And through the increase of the sacred day,
Against them, though they far outnumbered us,
We held our ground and kept in our array.
But at the hour of the descending sun,
When from the plough the oxen are undone,
Back the Ciconians drove the Achaean host
And broke them, that escape we hardly won
From death and doom: but of my mail-clad host
Six from each ship lay dead upon the coast.
Thence we sailed on, escaping glad from death,
Yet heart-sore for the comrades we had lost.
Homer in the Ninth
Then for a while, as they in travel gray,
And through the weather of the autumn day,
Against them, though their fan base outsized ours,
We held our ground and kept
Long past the hour of the descending sun,
When from the beer the vendors are undone,
Back the Angelenos drove Manuel’s men
And broke them, that escape we hand’ly won
From season’s end: beat’n by the red-clad host
The Dodger team lay dead upon our coast.
Thence we moved on, escaping glad from death,
Yet thankful Ryan Howard gives his most.
.
Posted 10/22/2009
Instant Replay Creates Perfect World
By James Finn Garner
.
Now that cameras can detect and correct
Our errors and human frailty,
I call for a replay of
Fidrych talking to the ball,
Reggie hitting in October,
Bob Gibson staring,
Koufax stretching,
Veeck laughing,
DiMaggio’s war years,
And Hank Greenberg’s,
And 1994, which could have saved the Expos,
And spared us the Nationals,
And Cap Anson shutting his damned mouth
And Buck O’Neil playing for the Cubs,
Satchel Paige for the A’s,
And Cool Papa Bell for the Cardinals.
.
Posted 5/14/09
Manny Ramirez: When News Isn’t News
by James Finn Garner
.
Erstwhile Dodger savior Manny:
Did we doubt it’d come out like this?
If a story leaked you were a tranny,
The world would maybe feel amiss.
Our revulsion might yet arise
If cameras caught you fondling grannies,
But frankly it’s no big surprise
That juicing’s Manny being Manny.
.
Posted 5/11/09
Remembering Piazza
by Lew Brickhate
.
I went down to CHAVEZ RAVINE
With sandpaper and VASELINE.
You see, my goal that NIGHT
Was to strike out Magic MIKE,
Catcher for the Dodger BLUE,
Part of the LaSorda CREW.
He granted me my one big WISH,
Which was to throw a major league PITCH,
But he hit it all NIGHT,
He hit it all NIGHT,
Off the walls, off the LIGHTS,
Fastball, spitball, knuckleball, CURVE,
Seems I got what I DESERVE.
He cracked a line drive back up the MIDDLE,
Solving for me my greatest RIDDLE:
Was I cut out for major league BALL,
Or just to sing about it at some MALL?
The question was all too CLEAR.
I am still glad I have my PAIR,
‘Cause he hit it all NIGHT,
He hit it all NIGHT…..
.
Posted 5/5/09
National League West 2009 Haiku Forecasts
By Stuart Shea
DODGERS
What causes shadows
Gath’ring over Dodgertown?
Oh. It’s Manny’s hair.
DIAMONDBACKS
Risky tightrope walk—
Using Felipe Lopez
As a regular.
GIANTS
If it rained all year
S.F. would avoid losing
100 ballgames.
PADRES
No big stars, no hope
Dark days ahead for the fans
Despite bright Cali skies.
ROCKIES
Jeff Francis’ arm
Wilted like Boston lettuce
Left out far too long.
Posted 3/25/09
