ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz

COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer

LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild

SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks

CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.

CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.

HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.

ATLANTA BRAVES
So many moons past…
The spring of Chipper gives way
To rust and pallor

MIAMI MARLINS
New house and new name
Young folks up til all hours
The Blizzard of Ozz

NEW YORK METS
They built this Citi.
Now they have to live in it
Short fences or not

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
At the keystone sack
Nothing but questions surface
In this pennant Chase

WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Message from the East—
“Beware high expectations”
Tapped out in Morse code

LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”

OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.

SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third

TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds

CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?

CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.

DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.

KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.

MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.

With apologies to Basho

Crowd files into seats
.       infield dragged
.  Ump cries “Play ball!”
.     Frog plops into
.      centerfield pond

BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Each summer’s the same—
Young hopefuls and old hopeless
Trapped in the basement.

BOSTON RED SOX
The Hub returns to
Valentine’s Day, which we thought
Was ten years ago.

NEW YORK YANKEES
It seems so pettitte—
That the biggest worry is
Who’ll be fifth starter.

TAMPA BAY RAYS
Quality starters,
Like oranges, can be grown
By best and brightest.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS
O young club of hope,
Answer me this one question:
Have you any chance?

Baseball’s ritual
Seasons turning close at hand
Soon glove ball & bat

Sale: Storied Franchise
By McCourt in divorce court
Call: 1-800-Bailout

Inexplicable meltdown
In Boston leaves are falling
No Autumn splendor

Instead play-off hopes
Free-falling without a net
And time running out