Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category


Upward Immobility in Motown

by James Finn Garner

As another season
Bites the dust,
What will it take to
Fire Brad Ausmus?

A filthy striptease on the airport bus?
Kicking Trammell in the truss?
Wiping his ass with pizza in disgust?
Cussing out John Wockenfuss?

I fear there is nothing
More to discuss–
The Tigers will never, ever
Fire Brad Ausmus.

 



Filter the Umpire!

by Michael X. Ferraro

Yadi Molina was taken aback
He thought Nelson Cruz was up there to hack.
But the catcher got thrown by this request:
“Please snap a quick pic of me and Joe West.”

Nelson Cruz stopped the All-Star Game to pose for a photo with umpire Joe West

 

Late-breaking scouting report:

Yadi Molina: still catches, throws, hits,
But also could be the next (Annie) Liebowitz.

 



All-Star Clerihews, Part IV

Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.

Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.

Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.

Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.

Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.

 



All-Star Clerihews, Part III

Michael Conforto
Wrote a sad concerto
About what it really means
To play in Queens.

Corey Knebel
Cleared the table
Once in Bay View playing pool,
Which is the Wisconsin definition of cool.

DJ LaMahieu
Has bid adieu
To old self-centered habits
To start a shelter for homeless rabbits.

Justin Smoak
Almost went broke
With an investment scheme
For anti-strike-out cream.

 



All-Star Clerihews, Part II

Aaron Judge
Wants to leave a ball-shaped smudge
On the bleacher seats
Of every ballpark he meets.

Jose Altuve
Is feeling real groovy
Slulrping down shaved ice
And driving around like “Miami Vice”.

Chris Sale
Drinks a pail
Of prune juice before each start–
That face is him holding in every fart.

Zack Cozart
Isn’t much for art.
He thinks that big thing by Red Grooms
Indicates use of ‘shrooms.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.