Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category


Pen of Bull

by James Finn Garner

Strop, Rondon, Duensing and Edwards
Nothing instigates dread like these words

Edwards, Duensing, Strop and Rondon
Strewing more walks than a team can condone

Rondon, Duensing, Edwards and Strop
Barren of any resilience or hope

Edwards, Strop, Rondon and Duensing
Fill me in later ‘cuz I can’t keep watching

 



Watching the Yankees/Indians ALDS Rubber Game

by Stephen Jones

I realized, late in the game,
That things have changed–it’s not the same.

The future of baseball is now
Summed up in just one word–pow.

No more round-the-bases conga dancing–
It’s power pitching and power hitting.

Maybe this’ll bring in younger fans.
That’s what MLB wants in the stands.

Anyway: live arm … and live bat–
Right now, it’s as simple as that.

 



A Fistful of Dodgers

by James Finn Garner

The play of Bellinger
Is very telling, sir.
These Bums are eager
To, with Cody and Segar,
Ride youth to the end.
Oh, and also spend spend spend spend spend.

 



Neil Diamond Gem

by James Finn Garner

I adore the playoffs
When the season’s on the line
Mistakes a bit more tragic
Nice plays near divine
Veterans get one last lap
And rookies get to shine
I only wish they hadn’t made me
Hate “Sweet Caroline”

 



Twas the Night Before Game One

by Michael Norton

Twas the night before Game One, of the N-L-D-S,
Every Cubs fan thought, “Repeat” of last year’s success.
The banners were hung by the scoreboard with care,
In hopes that more banners soon would be there.

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Cleveland still danced in their heads.
Some thought of Rossy – his famous last hit.
Guys like Zobrist and Monty – they sure never quit.

This season felt different, almost never looked easy.
After two months some fans went from joyful to queasy.
The losses piled up, they got harder to swallow,
Six losses out west caused some more fans to wallow.

“The magic is lost!” some said mad in July.
“They’re not the same team!” others started to cry.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a team that was winning – again they could cheer!

With a few little trades, and a few lessons learned,
We knew in a moment, the tides would be turned.
More rapid the fastballs, our pitchers they threw,
And the bats came alive for our boys in the blue.

When Russell was hurt, Javy made every play.
Joe had Rizzo bat lead-off, got some pinch hits from Jay!
Schwarber was back! Heyward’s swing self-corrected,
Each guy played with heart – even Bryant, ejected!

They hit balls up the middle, then shots in the gap,
Got some help from the young kids, Almora and Happ,
There were homers galore, as they danced in the pen,
And Wade Davis would save games again and again.

“What slow start?” they asked, as the Cubs kept on winning.
They were scoring in virtually every inning.
From six games in back of the leaders they rose,
And they never gave up – well, you know how it goes.

When out on the field there were curses they shattered,
This team kept its sights on the one thing that mattered.
It might have been rough, for some listeners and viewers,
But they quickly disposed of the Cardinals and Brewers.

Washington’s next – a familiar foe,
Sure they may have ol’ Dusty, but we have Saint Joe.
They’ve got Murphy and Scherzer, a guy who’s named Bryce,
But Bryzzo and Co. are not here to play nice.

So give them the edge, hail their pitchers and batters,
But remember the one thing that actually matters:
We’re the Cubs – we can pitch, and our batters can score,
And we know we can win … ‘cause we’ve done it before.

It’s been almost a year since that night at Progressive,
That thrilling Game 7 – every play more impressive.
And while some players left, and some new faces came,
The passion and drive of this team is the same.

They continue to grind, and they make it look fun,
They have grit, they have guts, they won’t stop til they’ve won.
And we’re lucky they’re ours, they sure put on a show,
Because like us, we know that they love “Go Cubs Go!”

Now, Hendricks! Now, Edwards! Quintana and Jake!
On Lester! Montgomery! Our pitchers who rake!
To the bleachers at Wrigley! To the depths of Nats Park!
Let’s get ready to party, ‘round Addison and Clark!

And let’s show the folks up near Capitol Hill
That the Cubs got more heart, and more strength, and more skill.
With their “W” hats on the Nats, we shall stomp!
“W” stands for WIN, now let’s go drain the swamp!

 

Michael Norton is a law student and sports writer for ScoreCardSports.com, where this poem first appeared. Follow him at @mnorton9 and @ScoreCardSports.

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