Facts of Whiff

By Michael X. Ferraro

Poor “Country” Joe West seems to be in a daze–
He spent Sunday night punching 48 K’s.

Over 18 innings, the swings and misses
Multiplied at Wrigley like Kiss-Cam kisses.

Twenty-two Yankees and 26 more Cubs
Trudged back to their bench, dragging unsullied clubs.

For the home plate ump, ’twas a six-hour shift,
A front-row seat to see sluggers get whiffed.

Schwarber and Bryant and Rizzo and Russell,
Each fanned thrice apiece, with nary a tussle,

But there was one Yank who took more fruitless licks:
A Golden Sombrero went to Aaron Hicks.

Two separate relievers each struck out the side.
Were both line-ups allergic to the horsehide?

Fifteen different pitchers in all took the mound,
And each hurler’s heart was warmed by the sound

Of the man in blue bellowing “Steee-rike Three,”
Setting a new record for the MLB.