by James Finn Garner
Pierzynski’s older, get that straight
A few more grey hairs on the dome
But if no one bothers to cover the plate
That sonofabitch will steal home.
You may have Cespedes at third–
All over the infield he’ll roam–
But if you don’t keep Pierzynski close, my word!
That sonofabitch will steal home.
Humans can map the vastness of space,
Find Higgs-Boson, map the genome,
But if a player can’t cover his base,
Some sonofabitch will steal home.
Too busy to stay after class?
Here’s the lesson to take from this poem:
Stand around gawking with your thumb up your ass
And that sonofabitch will steal home.
Very good, even for a Cubs fan.
Me? Me? Don’t confuse geography with destiny!
I’m using Sonofabitch there affectionately, if you can’t tell. He may be a crazy jerk, but he’s OUR crazy jerk.