by James Finn Garner
Don’t congratulate a teammate by faking a high five and delivering a hard nad shot.
Don’t talk about racism except in the context of how Jackie Robinson eliminated it.
Rhapsodize about the integrity of the game, but don’t make any big deal about desperately poor Dominican 15-year-olds being drafted by shady agents and advised by “scouts.”
Don’t try and bunt against a pitcher pitching a perfect game unless, you know, you’re trying to help your team score. Like you’re paid to do.
On-field displays of excitement add too much energy and character to the game, and so must be avoided.
Don’t ever criticize a veteran teammate in the media, even when he lets down the squad. Only rookies can be criticized.
Don’t comment on the herd mentality and obsequious jocksniffery of sportswriters.
And however long you play or watch the game….
Don’t expect to like Alex Rodriguez.
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