Upward Immobility in Motown

by James Finn Garner

As another season
Bites the dust,
What will it take to
Fire Brad Ausmus?

A filthy striptease on the airport bus?
Kicking Trammell in the truss?
Wiping his ass with pizza in disgust?
Cussing out John Wockenfuss?

I fear there is nothing
More to discuss–
The Tigers will never, ever
Fire Brad Ausmus.

 


Published in Detroit Tigers, Fans, Food, James Finn Garner, Management, Pure doggerel | Link to this poem | No Comments

Slipping Suds

By Stuart Shea

What’s happening to those Brewers?
To those blue, gray, and pee-yellow Crewers?
As the Cubs make the plays,
All Milwaukee now prays
Their year doesn’t go straight down the sewers.

 


Published in Chicago Cubs, Limerick, Milwaukee Brewers, Stu Shea | Link to this poem | No Comments

Filter the Umpire!

by Michael X. Ferraro

Yadi Molina was taken aback
He thought Nelson Cruz was up there to hack.
But the catcher got thrown by this request:
“Please snap a quick pic of me and Joe West.”

Nelson Cruz stopped the All-Star Game to pose for a photo with umpire Joe West

 

Late-breaking scouting report:

Yadi Molina: still catches, throws, hits,
But also could be the next (Annie) Liebowitz.

 


Published in Fans, Pure doggerel, Seattle Mariners, St. Louis Cardinals, Youth | Link to this poem | No Comments

3 Limericks for Jose Quintana

by Jim Siergey, James Finn Garner and Hilary Barta

The Cubs having traded for “Q”
Can the faithful sit back and say “Whew”?
He’s a whiz with the rock
And maybe will shock
If he hits well leading off, too.

Is Quintana the cure for what ails
The fakakta Cubs and their fails?
He racks up the innings,
His fastball well spinning,
And he’s quite accustomed to wails.

Finally, if Kyle Schwarber had been in the blockbuster trade as rumored:

So the Cubs and the Sox make a trade
The rotation up north will upgrade
And the Hose get a bat
That can’t run ‘cuz he’s fat
We’ll see just which team has been played.

 


Published in Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Limerick | Link to this poem | No Comments

All-Star Clerihews, Part IV

Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.

Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.

Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.

Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.

Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.

 


Published in Atlanta Braves, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Colorado Rockies, Food, James Finn Garner, Pure doggerel, Seattle Mariners, St. Louis Cardinals | Link to this poem | No Comments

Disparate Thoughts

Baseball Is . . .

Twin Tales

Underneath the Colors

AL East

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Extra Innings

AL Central

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Poems by Type

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Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.